The Soup must be Thick Turtel, such as Natur purwides in this here cold seeson, not the Thin Turtel of Summer.  The Shampane must be Rich Clicko, or the werry best Pummery, sitch as you can taste the ginerous grapes in, not the pore dry stuff as young Swells drinks, becoz they’re told as how it’s fashnabel; and the Sunlight can ginerally be got if you knows where to look for it.  For instance now, in one of the cold foggy days of last month, my Amerrycan frend said to me, “What on airth, ROBERT, can a gentleman find to do on sitch a orful day as this?” So sez I, “Take a Cab to Wictoria Station, and go to the Cristel Pallis, wark about in the brillient sunshine as you will find there a waiting for you, for about two howers, not a moment longer, then cum strait back, and you shall find a lovly lunch.”

And off he went, a larfing to think how he would emuse himself when he came back by pitching into pore me.  But it does so happen as Waiters ain’t not quite so deaf as sum peeple thinks ’em, and I’ve offen ’erd peeple say, that amost always, if you sees the Sun a trying for to peep thro the fog, and see how we all gits on without him, a leetle way out of town, on an ’ill, you will see him a shining away like fun!

Well, xacly at 2:30, in cums my frend, a grinnin away like the fablus Chesher Cat, and he says, says he, why Mr. ROBERT, you’re a reglar conjurer!  It was all xacly as you prosefied!  I had two hours’ glorious stroll in the Cristel Pallis Gardings in the lovly sunshine!

Hin ten minutes’ time he was seated at a purfekly luvly lunch, and a peggin away with sitch a happytight as princes mite enwy!

In times like these, dine out reglar either two or three times a week, and drink generusly, but wisely, not too well, and on receiving the accustomed At, think of the ard times the pore Waiter has had to pass through lately, and dubble, or ewen tribbel the accustumd Fee.  You’ll never miss it, but, on the contrairy, will sleep all the sounder for it.

Never read no accounts in Noosepapers of hillnesses and sich-like, and keep a few little sixpences in your ticket pocket; then if a pore woman arsks you if you have a penny to spare, say no, but praps this will do as well, and give her a sixpence, and then see her look of estonished rapcher, aye, and ewen share it to some small degree.

Check a frown, and encouridge a smile, and the one will wanish away, and the other dewelope into a larf.  Let your principle virtues be ginerosity and ope, and allers look on the brite side of ewerythink, as the Miller said to the Sweep.

ROBERT.

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A HUMAN PARADOX.—­The man who gives away his friends without losing them.

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