and answers every question.  In course, the conviction grows upon him that etiquette is no flummery of poseurs “aping the manners of their betters,” nor a code of snobs, who divide their time between licking the boots of those above them and kicking at those below, but a system of rules of conduct based on respect of self coupled with respect of others.  Meanwhile, to guard against conceit in his new knowledge, he may at odd moments recall Ben Jonson’s lines: 

    “Nor stand so much on your gentility,
    Which is an airy, and mere borrowed thing,
    From dead men’s dust, and bones:  And none of yours
    Except you make, or hold it.”

=Etiquette=

CHAPTER I

What is best society?

“Society” is an ambiguous term; it may mean much or nothing.  Every human being—­unless dwelling alone in a cave—­is a member of society of one sort or another, and therefore it is well to define what is to be understood by the term “Best Society” and why its authority is recognized.  Best Society abroad is always the oldest aristocracy; composed not so much of persons of title, which may be new, as of those families and communities which have for the longest period of time known highest cultivation.  Our own Best Society is represented by social groups which have had, since this is America, widest rather than longest association with old world cultivation.  Cultivation is always the basic attribute of Best Society, much as we hear in this country of an “Aristocracy of wealth.”

To the general public a long purse is synonymous with high position—­a theory dear to the heart of the “yellow” press and eagerly fostered in the preposterous social functions of screen drama.  It is true that Best Society is comparatively rich; it is true that the hostess of great wealth, who constantly and lavishly entertains, will shine, at least to the readers of the press, more brilliantly than her less affluent sister.  Yet the latter, through her quality of birth, her poise, her inimitable distinction, is often the jewel of deeper water in the social crown of her time.

The most advertised commodity is not always intrinsically the best, but is sometimes merely the product of a company with plenty of money to spend on advertising.  In the same way, money brings certain people before the public—­sometimes they are persons of “quality,” quite as often the so-called “society leaders” featured in the public press do not belong to good society at all, in spite of their many published photographs and the energies of their press-agents.  Or possibly they do belong to “smart” society; but if too much advertised, instead of being the “queens” they seem, they might more accurately be classified as the court jesters of to-day.

=The imitation and the genuine=

New York, more than any city in the world, unless it be Paris, loves to be amused, thrilled and surprised all at the same time; and will accept with outstretched hand any one who can perform this astounding feat.  Do not underestimate the ability that can achieve it:  a scintillating wit, an arresting originality, a talent for entertaining that amounts to genius, and gold poured literally like rain, are the least requirements.