Also a card is always left with a first invitation.  Supposing Miss Philadelphia takes a letter of introduction to Mrs. Newport—­Mrs. Newport, inviting Miss Philadelphia to her house, would not think of sending her invitation without also leaving her card.  Good form demands that a visit be paid before issuing a first invitation.  Sometimes a note of explanation is sent asking that the formality be waived, but it is never disregarded, except in the case of an invitation from an older lady to a young girl.  Mrs. Worldly, for instance, who has known Jim Smartlington always, might, instead of calling on Mary Smith, to whom his engagement is announced, write her a note, asking her to lunch or dinner.  But in inviting Mrs. Greatlake of Chicago she would leave her card with her invitation at Mrs. Greatlake’s hotel.

It seems scarcely necessary to add that anyone not entirely heartless must leave a card on, or send flowers to, an acquaintance who has suffered a recent bereavement.  One should also leave cards of inquiry or send flowers to sick people.

=INVITATION IN PLACE OF RETURNED VISIT=

Books on etiquette seem agreed that sending an invitation does not cancel the obligation of paying a visit—­which may be technically correct—­but fashionable people, who are in the habit of lunching or dining with each other two or three times a season, pay no attention to visits whatever.  Mrs. Norman calls on Mrs. Gilding.  Mrs. Gilding invites the Normans to dinner.  They go.  A short time afterward Mrs. Norman invites the Gildings—­or the Gildings very likely again invite the Normans.  Some evening at all events, the Gildings dine with the Normans.  Someday, if Mrs. Gilding happens to be leaving cards, she may leave them at the Normans—­or she may not.  Some people leave cards almost like the “hares” in a paper chase; others seldom if ever do.  Except on the occasions mentioned in the paragraph before this, or unless there is an illness, a death, a birth, or a marriage, people in society invite each other to their houses and don’t leave cards at all.  Nor do they ever consider whose “turn” it is to invite whom.

="NOT AT HOME"=

When a servant at a door says “Not at home,” this phrase means that the lady of the house is “Not at home to visitors.”  This answer neither signifies nor implies—­nor is it intended to—­that Mrs. Jones is out of the house.  Some people say “Not receiving,” which means actually the same thing, but the “not at home” is infinitely more polite; since in the former you know she is in the house but won’t see you, whereas in the latter case you have the pleasant uncertainty that it is quite possible she is out.