It sounds paradoxical to say that those in sorrow should be protected from all contacts, and yet that they must be constantly asked about arrangements and given little time to remain utterly undisturbed.  They must think of people they want sent for, and they must decide the details of the funeral; when they would like it held, and whether in church or at the house, whether they want special music or flowers ordered, and where the interment is to be.

=ON DUTY AT DOOR=

A friend or a servant is always stationed in the hall to open the door, receive notes and cards, and to take messages.  In a big house the butler in his day clothes should answer the bell, with the parlor-maid to assist him, until a footman can procure a black livery and take his or her place.  A parlor-maid or waitress at the door should wear either a black or gray dress, with her plainest white apron, collar and cuffs.

=MEMBER OF FAMILY IN CHARGE=

A close friend or male member of the family should be—­if not at the door—­as near the front hall as possible to see the countless people with whom details have to be arranged, to admit to a member of the family anyone they may want to see, and to give news to, or take messages from, others.

As people come to the house to enquire and offer their services, he gives them commissions the occasion requires.  The first friend who hurries to the house (in answer to the telephone message which announced the death) is asked to break the news to an invalid connection of the family, or he may be sent to the florist to order the bell hung, or to the station to meet a child arriving from school.

=NOTICE TO PAPERS=

The sexton (or other funeral director) sends the notices to the daily papers announcing the death, and the time and place of the funeral.  The form is generally selected by a member of the family from among those appearing in that day’s newspapers.  These notices are paid for by the sexton and put on his bill.

With the exception of the telephone messages or telegrams to relatives and very intimate friends, no other notices are sent out.  Only those persons who are expected to go to the house at once have messages sent to them; all others are supposed to read the notice in the papers.  When the notice reads “funeral private” and neither place nor time is given, very intimate friends are supposed to ask for these details at the house; others understand they are not expected.

=HANGING THE BELL=

As a rule the funeral director hangs crepe streamers on the bell; white ones for a child, black and white for a young person, or black for an older person.  This signifies to the passerby that it is a house of mourning so that the bell will not be rung unnecessarily nor long.

If they prefer, the family sometimes orders a florist to hang a bunch of violets or other purple flowers on black ribbon streamers, for a grown person; or white violets, white carnations—­any white flower without leaves—­on the black ribbon for a young woman or man; or white flowers on white gauze or ribbon for a child.