=GIFTS WHICH MAY AND THOSE WHICH MAY NOT BE ACCEPTED=

The fiancee of a young man who is “saving in order to marry,” would be lacking in taste as well as good sense were she to encourage or allow him extravagantly to send her flowers and other charming, but wasteful, presents.  But on the other hand, if the bridegroom-elect has plenty of means, she may not only accept flowers but anything he chooses to select, except wearing apparel or a motor car or a house and furniture—­anything that can be classified as “maintenance.”

It is perfectly suitable for her to drive his car, or ride his horse, and she may select furniture for their house, which he may buy or have built.  But, if she would keep her self-respect, the car must not become hers nor must she live in the house or use its furniture until she is given his name.  He may give her all the jewels he can afford, he may give her a fur scarf, but not a fur coat.  The scarf is an ornament, the coat is wearing apparel.  If she is very poor, she may have to be married in cheese-cloth, or even in the dress she wears usually, but her wedding dress and the clothes she wears away, must not be supplied by the groom or his family.  There is one exception:  if his mother, for instance, has some very wonderful family lace, or has kept her own wedding dress and has no daughter herself, and it would please her to have her son’s wife wear her lace or dress, it is proper for the bride to consent.  But it would be starting life on a false basis, and putting herself in a category with women of another class, to be clothed by any man, whether he is soon to be her husband or not.

If the engagement should be so unfortunate as to be broken off, the engagement ring and all other gifts of value must be returned.

CHAPTER XXI

FIRST PREPARATIONS BEFORE A WEDDING

To begin with, before deciding the date of the wedding, the bride’s mother must find out definitely on which day the clergyman who is to perform the ceremony is disengaged, and make sure that the church is bespoken for no other service.  If it is to be an important wedding, she must also see that the time available for the church is also convenient to the caterer.

Sundays, and days in Lent, are not chosen for weddings, and Friday being a “fast” day in Catholic and very “high” Episcopal churches, weddings on that day, if not forbidden, are never encouraged.  But the superstition that Friday and the month of May are unlucky, is too stupid to discuss.

Having settled upon a day and hour, the next step is to decide the number of guests that can be provided for, which is determined by the size of the church and the house, and the type of reception intended.

=THE INVITATIONS=

The bride-elect and her mother then go to the stationer and decide details, such as size and texture of paper and style of engraving, for the invitations.  The order is given at once for the engraving of all the necessary plates, and probably for the full number of house invitations, especially if to a sit-down breakfast where the guests are limited.  There are also ordered a moderate number of general church invitations or announcements, which can be increased later when the lists are completed and the definite number of guests more accurately known.