There are also occasions when a young woman is persuaded by her parents into making a “suitable marriage”; there are occasions when a young woman persists in making a marriage in opposition to her parents; but usually a young man either belongs in or joins her particular circle of intimate friends, and one day, it may be to their own surprize, though seldom to that of their intimates, they find that each is the only one in the world for the other, and they become engaged.

=FIRST DUTY OF THE ACCEPTED SUITOR=

If a young man and his parents are very close friends it is more than likely he will already have told them of the seriousness of his intentions.  Very possibly he has asked his father’s financial assistance, or at least discussed ways and means, but as soon as he and she have definitely made up their minds that they want to marry each other, it is the immediate duty of the man to go to the girl’s father or her guardian, and ask his consent.  If her father refuses, the engagement cannot exist.  The man must then try, through work or other proof of stability and seriousness, to win the father’s approval.  Failing in that, the young woman is faced with dismissing him or marrying in opposition to her parents.  There are, of course, unreasonable and obdurate parents, but it is needless to point out that a young woman assumes a very great risk who takes her future into her own hands and elopes.  But even so, there is no excuse for the most unfilial act of all—­deception.  The honorable young woman who has made up her mind to marry in spite of her parents’ disapproval, announces to them, if she can, that on such and such a day her wedding will take place.  If this is impossible, she at least refuses to give her word that she will not marry.  The height of dishonor is to “give her word” and then break it.

=THE APPROVED ENGAGEMENT=

Usually, however, when the young man enters the study or office of her father, the latter has a perfectly good idea of what he has come to say and, having allowed his attentions, is probably willing to accept his daughter’s choice; and the former after announcing that the daughter has accepted him, goes into details as to his financial standing and prospects.  If the finances are not sufficiently stable, the father may tell him to wait for a certain length of time before considering himself engaged, or if they are satisfactory to him, he makes no objection to an immediate announcement.  In either case, the man probably hurries to tell the young woman what her father has said, and if he has been very frequently at the house, very likely they both tell her mother and her immediate family, or, more likely still, she has told her mother first of all.

=HIS PARENTS CALL ON HERS=

As soon as the young woman’s father accepts the engagement, etiquette demands that the parents of the bridegroom-elect call at once (within twenty-four hours) upon the parents of the bride-to-be.  If illness or absence prevents one of them, the other must go alone.  If the young man is an orphan, his uncle, aunt or other nearest relative should go in the parents’ place.  Not even deep mourning can excuse the failure to observe this formality.