The All-American Champs

NEW YORK COON PHILADELPHIA CREAM OHIO LIEDERKRANZ
VERMONT SAGE KENTUCKY TRAPPIST WISCONSIN LIMBURGER
            CALIFORNIA JACK PINEAPPLE
            MINNESOTA BLUE
                                                 BRICK
                             TILLAMOOK

VS.

The European Giants

PORTUGUESE TRAZ- DUTCH GOUDA ITALIAN PARMESAN
OS-MONTES FRENCH ROQUEFORT SWISS EMMENTALER
YUGOSLAVIAN KACKAVALJ
         ENGLISH STILTON DANISH BLUE
GERMAN MUeNSTER GREEK FETA
                               HABLE

The postgraduate may play the game using as counters the great and distinctive cheeses of more than fifty countries.  Your Scandinavian board alone, just to give an idea of the riches available, will shine with blues, yellows, whites, smoky browns, and chocolates representing Sweden, Norway, Denmark, Finland, Iceland and Lapland.

For the Britisher only blue-veined Stilton is worthy to crown the banquet.  The Frenchman defends Roquefort, the Dane his own regal Blue; the Swiss sticks to Emmentaler before, during and after all three meals.  You may prefer to finish with a delicate Brie, a smoky slice of Provolone, a bit of Baby Gouda, or some Liptauer Garniert, about which more later.

We load them all on Lazy Lou, Lazy Susan’s big twin brother, a giant roulette wheel of cheese, every number a winner.  A second Lazy Lou will bear the savories and go-withs.  For these tidbits the English have a divine genius; think of the deviled shrimps, smoked oysters, herring roe on toast, snips of broiled sausage ...  But we will make do with some olives and radishes, a few pickles, nuts, capers.  With our two trusty Lazy Lous on hand plus wine or beer, we can easily dispense with the mere dinner itself.

Perhaps it is an Italian night.  Then Lazy Lou is happily burdened with imported Latticini; Incanestrato, still bearing the imprint of its wicker basket; Pepato, which is but Incanestrato peppered; Mel Fina; deep-yellow, buttery Scanno with its slightly burned flavor; tangy Asiago; Caciocavallo, so called because the the cheeses, tied in pairs and hung over a pole, look as though they were sitting in a saddle—­cheese on horseback, or “cacio a cavallo.”  Then we ring in Lazy Lou’s first assistant, an old, silver-plated, revolving Florentine magnum-holder.  It’s designed to spin a gigantic flask of Chianti.  The flick of a finger and the bottle is before you.  Gently pull it down and hold your glass to the spout.

True, imported wines and cheeses are expensive.  But native American products and reasonably edible imitations of the real thing are available as substitutes.  Anyway, protein for protein, a cheese party will cost less than a steak barbecue.  And it can be more fun.