In Italy white Gorgonzola is also put up in crocks with brandy.  In Oporto the sharp cheese of that name is enlivened by port, Cider and the greatest of applejacks, Calvados, seem made to go the regional Calvados cheese.  This is also true of our native Jersey Lightning and hard cider with their accompanying New York State cheese.  In the Auge Valley of France, farmers also drink homemade cider with their own Augelot, a piquant kind of Pont l’Eveque.

The English sip pear cider (perry) with almost any British cheese.  Milk would seem to be redundant, but Sage cheese and buttermilk do go well together.

Wine and cheese have other things in common.  Some wines and some cheeses are aged in caves, and there are vintage cheeses no less than vintage wines, as is the case with Stilton.

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Chapter Twelve

Lazy Lou

Once, so goes the sad story, there was a cheesemonger unworthy of his heritage.  He exported a shipload of inferior “Swiss” made somewhere in the U.S.A.  Bad to begin with, it had worsened on the voyage.  Rejected by the health authorities on the other side, it was shipped back, reaching home in the unhappy condition known as “cracked.”  To cut his losses the rascally cheesemonger had his cargo ground up and its flavor disguised with hot peppers and chili sauce.  Thus there came into being the abortion known as the “cheese spread.”

The cheese spread or “food” and its cousin, the processed cheese, are handy, cheap and nasty.  They are available everywhere and some people even like them.  So any cheese book is bound to take formal notice of their existence.  I have done so—­and now, an unfond farewell to them.

My academic cheese education began at the University of Wisconsin in 1904.  I grew up with our great Midwest industry; I have read with profit hundreds of pamphlets put out by the learned Aggies of my Alma Mater.  Mostly they treat of honest, natural cheeses:  the making, keeping and enjoying of authentic Longhorn Cheddars, short Bricks and naturalized Limburgers.

At the School of Agriculture the students still, I am told, keep their hand in by studying the classical layout on a cheese board.  One booklet recommends the following for freshman contemplation: 

CARAWAY BRICK      SELECT BRICK            EDAM
WISCONSIN SWISS    LONGHORN AMERICAN       SHEFFORD

These six sturdy samples of Wisconsin’s best will stimulate any amount of classroom discussion.  Does the Edam go better with German-American black bread or with Swedish Ry-Krisp?  To butter or not to butter?  And if to butter, with which cheese?  Salt or sweet?  How close do we come to the excellence of the genuine Alpine Swiss?  Primary school stuff, but not unworthy of thought.

Pass on down the years.  You are now ready to graduate.  Your cheese board can stand a more sophisticated setup.  Try two boards; play the teams against each other.