Please give me a Penny, Sir! 
’Tis heard on every side,
Muttered by poverty’s pinched lip,
Silent so long—­from pride. 
Ah! listen to their pleadings, Sir,
And pity the true poor,
Whose life is one long fight to keep
The wolf from the house-door. 
Oh, please give me a Penny, Sir!

* * * * *

“ROOSE IN URBE.”—­Dr. ROBSON ROOSE has returned to town after a trip to Madeira.

* * * * *

“SWEET STRIFE.”

By an Unionist M.P.

  When PARNELL’s mocked by HEALY,
  In strident voice and squealy;
  When HEALY’S snubbed by PARNELL,
  In voice as from the charnel—­
  I understand the windy
  Wild charm of WAGNER’S shindy. 
  Discord may be melodious,
  When Harmony sounds odious;
  Than Israfel more dear is
  Old Erin’s latest Eris!

* * * * *

THE IN-KERRECT KERR.

IT was once said that Pianos may now be had on “MOORE and MOORE” easy terms every day.  Mrs. WALTER found that those “easy terms” involved such pleasures as returning the instrument she had paid many instalments on, getting an order from the masterful Mr. Commissioner KERR to pay costs as well, and committal to prison for three weeks on the charge of “contempt of Court”—­for disobeying an order which Justices SMITH and GRANTHAM declare the genial Commissioner had no sort of right to make!!!

If this is the “hire-purchase system,” a piano-less life is infinitely preferable to braving its manifold perils and penalties.  Easy terms, indeed?  Yes,—­about as “easy” as “easy shaving” with a serrated oyster-knife!  Mrs. WALTER’S fate should be a warning to would-be piano-purchasers, and, Mr. Punch would fain hope, to exacting System-workers and arbitrary Commissioners.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  “PLEASE GIVE ME A PENNY!”

NEEDY INCOME-TAX PAYER (loq.).  “HOPE YOU WON’T FORGET ME THIS TIME,
SIR!!”]

* * * * *

FOR BETTER OR WORSE!

(Two Views of the Same Subject.)

POSSIBLE ROMANCE.

    SCENE—­A Dungeon beneath the Castle Moat.  Wife chained to a post, with
    bread and water beside her.  Enter Husband, with cat-o’-nine-tails.

Husband. And now, after ten days’ seclusion, will you make over your entire property to me, signing the deed with your life’s blood?

Wife (in a feeble voice).  Never!  You may kill me, but I will defy you to the last!

Husband. Then die! [He is about to leave the dungeon, when he is met by a Messenger from the Court of Appeal.

Messenger. In the name of the Law, release your prisoner!

Husband. Foiled! [Joy of Wife, and tableau, as the Curtain falls.