expectant. And then—? Mrs. Brigg had
lit the fire, but it had spluttered out into a mass
of blackened, ghostly paper and skeleton sticks.
A little more battle in the relighting of it.
But then—the blank day of the girl of the
streets. Cuckoo sat down, watched the growing
fire, and wondered what she had expected. She
was conscious that she had expected something, and
something not small. Her mood had demanded it.
But our moods are often like disappointed brigands,
who, having waylaid a pauper, demand with levelled
pistols that which the pauper has so vainly prayed
for all his life. Moods come from within.
They are not evoked to dance valses with suitable partners
from without. And so Cuckoo’s strong excitement
and energy found nothing to dance with. She sat
there growing gradually less alive, and wondering why
she had hastened to get up; why she was fully dressed
instead of wrapped in the usual staring pink dressing-gown
with the chiffon cascades down the front. Mornings
were of no use to her—never had been.
God might as well never have included them in the
scheme of His days, so far as she was concerned.
But this morning she had thought, had felt—it
seemed impossible that she should feel so unusual
and that nothing should happen. She was ready,
but Fate was in bed and asleep. That was really
the gist of the feeling that came over her. She
thought of Dr. Levillier, the man who had set a torch
at last to her nature and fired it with a new ardour.
He was at his work in the morning, seeing, speaking
to, that passing line of strangers, who walked on
forever through his life. His energies were employed.
Perhaps he had forgotten Cuckoo and her empty mornings.
Almost for the first time in her life the lady of the
feathers definitely longed for a legitimate occupation.
How she could have flown at it to-day. But already
the bright mood was fading. It could not last
in such an atmosphere. As Cuckoo had said, she
could fight better than she could pray. But it
seemed to her, after a while, that there was only
room in this cheerless, dark house to pray, no room
at all to fight. She tried reading yesterday’s
evening paper, left on the horsehair sofa by Julian.
But reading had never been a favourite occupation of
hers, and to-day she wanted to save Julian, to make
him love her, and so to win him from Valentine.
She did not want to sit in the twilight of a winter’s
day reading about people she had never seen, things
she did not understand. And she threw the paper
down.
To make Julian love her. Cuckoo flushed, yes, even sitting there quite alone, for Jessie had retired to the warmth of the bedroom blankets, as she said it in her mind. The doctor had told her to do so. Her heart had told her to try to do it long ago. But she trusted the doctor and she did not trust her heart. And how could she trust her power to make Julian love her? Cuckoo had once known very well how to make a man desire her. In the very early days of her career she had been a very pretty