Yours,
JOHN.
BY WAY OF APPENDIX.
A CHAPTER FROM ACTUAL EXPERIENCE.
“Now you can stay just as long as you please, and I wouldn’t have you feel hurried, on any account; but if you’re really going to go pretty soon, I’d like to know when it’s to be, so I can lay my plans accordingly.”
Thus our good landlady, when we said our new house was beginning to look nearly ready for us. A most reasonable request, and we, always cheerfully responsive to such, replied, “By all means; certainly; quite right: we’ll see the workmen to-day and find out just when the new domicile will be ready for us.”
In pursuance of this object, straightway then we flew to the carpenter. “Tell us, O worthy master!” we cried, “when shall the new house be done?”
“Wal, let me see.” And he scratched his head with the scratch-awl. “It’s a’most done now. Ther ain’t much more to do. We’ve pretty much finished up. Ther’s the doors to hang and trim, ‘n’ the closet shelves ‘n’ things to fix up; the stairs ain’t quite done, n’r the front steps. I d’nno; ther’s a number o’little jobs ’round,—don’t amount to much,—coal-bin, thresholds, and one or two things you want to change; take three or four days, I guess, if the plumbers and furnace folks get out of the way; week, mebbe.”
“You think, then, by a week from next Saturday—to-day is Thursday morning—you will have everything cleared up?”
“O yes, easy!”
Alas! ingratitude is not confined to republics. We thought it a most kind and judicious thing to grant nine days, when but three or four—six at the most—had been asked. Worldly wisdom would have said, “No, sir; three days you can’t have; it must all be done to-morrow night.” But we are not worldly-wise; innocent, confiding, and rejoicing, we went our way,—went our way to the plumber.
“O good plumber!” quoth we, “how long will it take you to complete the work you have begun so well?”
“How long? ’Twon’t take no time. Just as soon as the copper comes for the tank, I shall finish it all up. There ain’t much of it, anyhow; it’s all done but that.”
“And when is the aforesaid copper coming?”
“When is’t a coming? Any time. Shouldn’t be surprised if ’twas here now.”