You avow we’re shy of marriage. 
    Is not that too hard again? 
  When a maiden wants a carriage,
    And a mansion in Park Lane,
  Diamonds, furs, and opera-boxes: 
    Although ardently one loves,
  All the balance I’ve at Cox’s
    Wouldn’t keep a girl in gloves.

* * * * *

“Will you, wont you?”

(A Lay of the Lord Chancellor.  Very latest Version, NOT from “Iolanthe.")

[Illustration:  Lord Halsbury (to Bill Sikes).  “IF YOU DON’T SAY ANYTHING, IT WILL GO AGAINST YOU; AND IF YOU DO, IT WILL BE ALL UP WITH YOU!”]

["The Lord Chancellor declares himself the foe of any ’technical system’ which excludes ’anybody who knows anything about the facts from the opportunity of stating what is the truth.’ ...  We may take it that very soon we shall see that which may appear strange to English lawyers, but really is most reasonable—­the accused stepping out of the dock into the witness-box, and giving his evidence, subject to the ordeal of cross-examination.  It may be a bad look-out for rogues, but for nobody else.”—­Times.]

  The Law should be the embodiment
  Of everything that is excellent. 
  But I fancy I’ve found one diminutive flaw
  In that else impeccable thing, the Law. 
  As its constitutional guardian, I
  Must extract that mote from the legal eye. 
  It seems a preposterous paradox
  To exclude the accused from the Witness’s Box. 
    To alter that is a duty for
    A very unprejudiced Chancellor.

  Here’s the Box, my SIKES!  With particular pride
  I invite you, WILLIAM, to—­step inside,
  Some peculiar things, things rich and rare,
  I shall have to show you when you are there. 
  “Will you walk into my par——­” dear me! 
  What a curious matter is memory! 
  What, what has that old song to do
  With the little matter ’twixt me and you? 
    I apologise for the irrelevance, for
    I am such a logical Chancellor!

  If you step inside—­as I trust you will—­
  We shall worm out the Truth with forensic skill;
  And if you decline—­as I hope you won’t—­
  We shall know there are reasons, friend, why you don’t. 
  So the Truth must benefit any way,
  My beloved BILL. What is that you say? 
  You don’t care a cuss for the Truth?  Oh, fie! 
  Truth makes one a free man. Step in and try!
    The triumph of Truth is a triumph for
    A highly inquisitive Chancellor!

  ’Twill be most instructive to Judge and Jury
  To hear you give evidence.  Why this fury? 
  We can judge, you see, by the way he’ll behave,
  ’Twixt a simpleton and a clever knave. 
  The Times says so.  Eh! Confound the Times?
  Oh, don’t say so, BILL!  A man of crimes
  Might funk the ordeal; but this is the plan
  To help the Law—­and the Honest Man;
      And therefore the plan of all plans for
      A highly compassionate Chancellor!