I have to announce this week that I have formed The Croesus Club Company.  I have, at immense expense, secured a splendid site in the very heart of the fashionable quarter of London.  Building operations will begin immediately, and within the next three weeks the members will be housed in a Club-house unrivalled for comfort and luxury.  Ten French chefs will preside over the kitchen, and house dinners at a minimum price of L5 a-head will be served in the Ruby Hall to the strains of the Brass Potsdammer Buben Hussar Band, specially retained for the exclusive service of the Club.  The first list of members will consist of 2000, and, in order to insure exclusiveness, the subscription will be fixed at L500 without any entrance fee.  A list of the Provisional Committee, containing a Duke as Chairman and four Peers as ordinary members, will be issued at once.  I have the authority of the Committee to receive subscriptions.

I may point with pride to the fact that all the investments recommended by me have prospered, and the list of British millionnaires has been heavily increased.  Canadian Boodlers fairly firm, but with a tendency to cross the border-line.  No returns.  I say, “Sell.”  M.T.  Coffer Co. not very promising. (294 stk.; lim. pref., 19; mortg. deb., 44.) Clear out, if possible.  Tight Rates Ry.  Co. must be bought.  But enough of this.  All that is necessary is that correspondents should send remittances.  The rest may be left to me.

CROESUS.

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[Illustration:  THE FLOODS.  A FARMER’S DREAM.]

* * * * *

QUITE A LIBEL’Y PROSPECT!

(Or what may be expected after a recent Verdict.)

SCENE—­An Editor’s Room. Editor and Chief Sub. discovered in conversation.

Editor. And I think you have asked the Solicitors who have threatened us with proceedings to be in attendance?

Chief Sub. Yes, Sir.  They are below—­shall I send them up?

Ed. If you please.  One by one; and kindly impress upon them the value of my time.

Chief Sub. Certainly.  But I think you will find they will get over their business pretty speedily.  After they have gone, no doubt you would like to look at the Contents Bill, Sir?

Ed. Yes, please; and now send up the Lawyers.

[Exit Chief Sub., when the Editor returns to his writing, until interrupted by First Solicitor.

First Solor. Sorry to intrude upon you when you seem to be busy, but it was your own idea that I should look you up.

Ed. Entirely.  And now, Sir, perhaps you will kindly explain of what your client has to complain.

First Solor. Certainly.  You said of the senior member of the Bounding Brothers of Bohemia, that, “although a very marvel of strength and grace, he could scarcely, after fifty years service in the ring, be described as a trapeze-practising acrobat.”