“VIRGINIA.”

I had courage to finish the letter, and then it dropped from my hands.  I was bewildered, stupefied, maddened.  As my sister said, I did indeed feel.  Was it possible?  Janet, who had—­mercy on me!  I threw myself on the bed, and there I remained till the next morning in a state most pitiable.

It is only those who have been deceived in their first attachment who can appreciate my agony of feeling.  For the first few hours I hated the whole world, and, had then the means been at hand, should in all probability have hastened into another; but gradually my excitement abated; I found relief in tears of sorrow and indignation.  I arose at daylight the next morning, worn out with contending feelings, heavy and prostrated in mind.  I went out—­stood on the beach, the keen breeze cooled my fevered cheek.  For hours I leaned motionless upon an anchor, all hope of future happiness abandoned forever.

CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

     Which is all about Love—­Bramble confides to me all his
     Acquaintance with the tender Passion.

To conceal from Bramble or Bessy the state of mind to which I was reduced was impossible.  I was in a condition of prostration against which I could not rally; and I believe that there never was a person who had been disappointed in his first love who did not feel as I did—­that is, if he really loved with a sincere, pure, and holy feeling; for I do not refer to the fancied attachments of youth, which may be said to be like the mere flaws of wind which precede the steady gale.  I could not, for several days, trust myself to speak; I sat silent and brooding over the words, the looks, the smiles, the scenes which had promised me a store of future happiness—­such as would probably have been the case, as far as we can be happy in this world, had I fixed my affections upon a true and honest, instead of a fickle and vain, woman; had I built my house upon a rock, instead of one upon the sand—­which, as pointed out by the Scriptures, had been washed away, and had disappeared forever!  Bramble and Bessy in vain attempted to gain from me the cause of my dejection; I believe that they had many conversations upon it when I was absent, but whatever may have been their surmises, they treated me with every kindness and consideration.  About a week after I had received the letter, Bramble said to me, “Come, Tom, we have had an easterly wind for ten days now, they are going off in a galley to-morrow—­suppose we go too; it’s no use staying here moping and doing nothing.  You’ve been out of sorts lately, and it will do you good.”  I thought so too, and consented; but the other pilots were not ready, and our departure was deferred till the day after.  Bramble had acquainted me in the morning with this delay; I was annoyed at it, for I was restless and wished for change.  My bundle had been prepared; I had passed the best part of the night in writing to Virginia, and was,