a scalpin a member of some foreign nation.  Then, there was the canvass, representin the picter of a child of a British Planter, seized by two Boa Constrictors—­not that we never had no child, nor no Constrictors neither.  Similarly, there was the canvass, representin the picter of the Wild Ass of the Prairies—­not that we never had no wild asses, nor wouldn’t have had ’em at a gift.  Last, there was the canvass, representin the picter of the Dwarf, and like him too (considerin), with George the Fourth in such a state of astonishment at him as His Majesty couldn’t with his utmost politeness and stoutness express.  The front of the House was so covered with canvasses, that there wasn’t a spark of daylight ever visible on that side.  “Magsman’s amusements,” fifteen foot long by two foot high, ran over the front door and parlour winders.  The passage was a Arbour of green baize and gardenstuff.  A barrel-organ performed there unceasing.  And as to respectability,—­if threepence ain’t respectable, what is?

But, the Dwarf is the principal article at present, and he was worth the money.  He was wrote up as Major TPSCHOFFKI, of the Imperial BULGRADERIAN brigade.  Nobody couldn’t pronounce the name, and it never was intended anybody should.  The public always turned it, as a regular rule, into Chopski.  In the line he was called Chops; partly on that account, and partly because his real name, if he ever had any real name (which was very dubious), was Stakes.

He was a uncommon small man, he really was.  Certainly not so small as he was made out to be, but where is your Dwarf as is?  He was a most uncommon small man, with a most uncommon large Ed; and what he had inside that Ed, nobody ever knowed but himself:  even supposin himself to have ever took stock of it, which it would have been a stiff job for even him to do.

The kindest little man as never growed!  Spirited, but not proud.  When he travelled with the Spotted Baby—­though he knowed himself to be a nat’ral Dwarf, and knowed the Baby’s spots to be put upon him artificial, he nursed that Baby like a mother.  You never heerd him give a ill-name to a Giant.  He did allow himself to break out into strong language respectin the Fat Lady from Norfolk; but that was an affair of the ’art; and when a man’s ’art has been trifled with by a lady, and the preference giv to a Indian, he ain’t master of his actions.

He was always in love, of course; every human nat’ral phenomenon is.  And he was always in love with a large woman; I never knowed the Dwarf as could be got to love a small one.  Which helps to keep ’em the Curiosities they are.