Yours, spiritedly, Hampstead heathen.

* * * * *

“Hard to beer!”

(ADVANCE-SHEET FROM A PROJECTED ANTI-BACCHANALIAN TRAGI-FARCE, TO BE CALLED “BY ORDER OF THE KAISER.")

Scene—­A Market Place in Berlin. German Students carousing. Emissary of the Emperor seated at table apart watching them.  Apprehensive Waiters nervously supplying the wants of their Customers.

First German Student.  Another flagon of beer, Kellner!

Waiter.  Here, Mein Herr! (Brings glass and, as he places it on the table, whispers aside.) Oh, beware, my good Lord—­this is your second glass.

First Ger.  Stu. (with a laugh).  I know what I am about!  And now, my friends, I give you a toast—­The Liberty of the Fatherland!

Chorus of Students.  The Liberty of the Fatherland! [They all drink.

Em. of the Emp. (apart).  Ha!

    [He makes an entry in his note-book.

First Ger.  Stu. And now fill another glass.  Fill, my comrades—­I pray you, fill!  Kellner! glasses round—­for myself and friends.

Kellner (as before—­supplying their wants and warning them).  Oh, my gracious Lord, be careful!  Your third glass—­mind now, your third glass; you know the risk you are running!  But one false drop and you are lost!

First Ger.  Stu. (as before).  Well, my good friend, be sure you supply us with no drop that is not good!  Ha, ha, ha!  Eh, KARL! eh, CONRAD! eh, HANS!  Did you hear my merry jest?

    [They all laugh.

Em. of the Emp. (as before).  Ha! (making an entry in his note-book).  And they laugh at a witless joke!  Good!  Very good!

First Ger.  Stu. (joyously).  And now, my comrades, yet another toast—­The Prosperity of the People!

Chorus of Ger.  Stu. (raising their glasses).  The People!

    [They all drink.

Em. of the Emp. (apart) Ha!

    [He makes an entry in his note-book.

First Ger.  Stu.  And now, a final flagon!  Kellner!

Kellner (as before).  Oh, high-born customer, beware!  This is your fourth glass!  You know the law!

First Ger.  Stu. (as before).  That indeed I do!  And I also know that my daily allowance is—­or rather was—­twelve quarts per diem!  And now, comrades, our last toast—­The Freedom of the Press!

Chorus of Ger.  Stu. (raising their glasses).  The Freedom of the Press!

    [They all drink.

Em. of the Emp. (apart).  This is too much! (He rises, and approaches the Students.) Your pardon, Gentlemen!  But do you really believe in the toasts you have just drunk?