Second Em.  Pol. Well, to go back to an old story—­you can’t defend the bullying on board The Britannia.

First Em.  Pol. Oh, that’s all bosh.  Those newspaper fellows got hold of it for the Silly Season and ran it to death, but it’s the best possible place in the world.  No end of good training for a fellow to command other fellows.

Second Em.  Pol. Well, they were down upon you pretty smartly.

First Em.  Pol. (airily).  May be.  But it’s because they didn’t know what they were writing about.  How can a fellow become a good naval officer unless he has been robbed of his pocket-money, and taught how to lie for his seniors.  Thing’s too ridiculous!  Hallo, JIMMY, they tell me things are in a dreadful mess at St. Martin’s-le-Grand!

Third Em.  Pol. (promptly).  Then they tell you wrong.  Never saw anything like it—­most perfect organisation in the world!  Absolutely marvellous, Sir—­absolutely marvellous!  And the clerks so civil and obliging.  Everybody pleased with them.

Second Em.  Pol. Come, that won’t do.  Your statement is as hard to digest as too-previous turkey and premature plum-pudding.  The papers are full of complaints all through the Autumn, and have only stopped recently to make room for those descriptive and special law reports.  You will have them again, now Term is over.

Third Em.  Pol. Who cares for the papers?  I tell you we are absolutely inundated with letters of thanks from Dukes and Duchesses upwards.  No; if you had said that the Colonies were in a mess, why then—­

Fourth Em.  Pol. (angrily).  What are you talking about?  Why, we are absolutely romping in!  Never knew the Colonies so prosperous as they are now!  And we have had to put on half-a-dozen extra clerks to open and answer the letters of congratulation we receive hour by hour from every part of the Empire.  Why, everything’s splendid—­absolutely splendid!

Second Em.  Pol. Well, matters have decidedly mended since transportation was prohibited.  But to return to our muttons.  Waterloo was won—­

Fourth Em.  Pol. (interrupting).  Yes, I know, by the Militia and the dregs of the population!  By the way, though, the gaols have had better company than now.

Fifth Em.  Pol. Hold hard!  Don’t you abuse my Prisons.  As a matter of fact, the present convicts are the finest, cleverest, most trustworthy fellows that ever existed.  It is quite an honour to get into a prison nowadays. (With a sudden burst of anger.) And if any of you doubt my word, hang me, I will have satisfaction! (Looking round for opponents.) Come now, who will tread on the tail of my coat!

Chief and Most Eminent Politician.  Gentlemen!  Gentlemen!  Come it’s getting late, and if we are to see the dress-rehearsal of the Pantomime, we must be off at once!