While the man accuses the woman of extravagance, he is as guilty as she.  He too spends money freely,—­on his cigars and cigarettes, on every edition of the newspapers, on the shine which he might easily apply himself, on a thousand and one nickels that become a muckle.  The American is lavish, hates to stint, detests being a “piker”, says, “Oh, what’s the difference; it will all be the same in a hundred years,” but kicks himself mentally afterwards.

Meanwhile he quarrels with his wife, who really is extravagant.  In this battle the man wins, even if he loses, for he rarely broods over the defeat.  But it brings about a sense of tension in his wife; it brings about a disunion in her heart, because she wants to please her husband, and at the same time she wants to “keep up” with her neighbors and friends.  And who sets the pace for her, for all of her group; who establishes the standard of expenditure?  Not the thrifty, saving woman, not the one who mends her clothes and makes her own hats, but the extravagant woman, the rich woman perhaps of recently acquired wealth who cares little for a dollar.  Against her better judgment the woman of the house enters a race with no ending and becomes intensely dissatisfied, while her husband becomes desperate over the bills.

This disunion in her spirit does what all such disunions do,—­it predisposes her to a breakdown.  It makes the housework harder; it makes the relations with her husband more difficult.  It takes away pleasure and leaves discontent and doubt,—­the mother-stuff of nervousness.

While most American husbands are generous, there are enough stingy ones to set off their neighbors.  To these men the goal of life is the accumulation of money, as indeed it is with the majority.  But to them that goal is to be reached by saving every penny, by denying themselves and theirs all expenditures beyond the necessities.

The woman who marries such a man is humiliated to the quick by his attitude.  That a man values a dollar more than he does her wish is an insult to the sensitive woman.  There ensues either a never-ending battle with estrangement, or else a beaten woman (for the stingy are stubborn) accepts her lot with a broken spirit, sad and deenergized.  Or perhaps, it should be added, a third result may come about; the woman accepts the man’s ideal of life and joins with him in their scrimping campaign.  With this agreement life goes on happily enough.

It is not of course meant that all or a great majority of American women have difficulties with their husbands over money.  But I have in mind several patients who would be happy if this never-ending problem were settled.  The struggle “gets on the nerves” of the partners; they say things they regret and act with an impatience that has its root in fatigue.

This difficulty over money and its spending gets worse in the late thirties and early forties, for it is then the man realizes with a startled spirit that he is getting into middle age, that sickness and death are taking their toll of his friends, and that he has not got on.  The sense of failure irritates him, depresses him.  He finds that he and his wife look at the money situation from a different angle.