The sex appetite varies as widely as any other human character.  Generally speaking, it is believed that sexual passion in women is more episodic than in men, often relating to the menstrual period.  In many cases it does not develop as a conscious factor in the woman’s life until after marriage, and sometimes not until the first child is born.  Certainly desire in the girl is a more generalized, less local, less conscious excitement than it is in the boy who cannot misunderstand his feelings.  I think it may safely be said that allowing for the freedom of boys and men, there is native to the male a more urgent passion than to the female.  This would be biologically necessary, since upon him devolves not only courtship but the fundamental activity in the sexual act.  A passionless woman may have sexual relation, a passionless man cannot.

The disparity in sex desire between a husband and wife may be slight or great.  No statistics on the subject will ever be gathered, from the very nature of the facts, but it is safe to say that much more disparity exists than is suspected.  And likewise it causes more trouble than is suspected.  Where the virility of the mate is inadequate there breeds a subtle dissatisfaction that may corrode domestic happiness and bring about conflict on subjects quite remote from the real issue.  Contrariwise, to have relations forced or coaxed on one where desire is lacking brings about disgust, nervous reactions, fatigue of marked nature.

A woman sexually well mated often clings beyond reason to an unworthy mate.  Many an inexplicable marriage, many a fantastic loyalty of a good woman to a bad man has its origin where it is least expected, in the sex attachment.  Demureness of appearance, refinement of manner, noble ideals are not at all inconsistent with powerful sex feeling.  There is no reason why strong, well-controlled passion should be considered anything but a virtue, why the pleasure of the sexual field should, under the social restriction, be regarded as impure.

Too often the latter is the case.  Fantastic puritanical ideas often govern both men and women.  I have in mind several couples who desired to live continent until such time as children were desired.  The biological reasons for the sexual relations seemed to them the only “pure” reasons.  Needless to say the resolution broke down under the intimacy of one roof, but meanwhile a conflict was engendered that took some vigorous counsel to dissipate.

This purely occidental idea that sexual pleasure is somehow unworthy is responsible for a disparity of a further kind.  There are parts of the physical side of love in which the majority of men need education, though in the well-adjusted married life the proper knowledge comes.  Nature has not completely adjusted the sexes to one another; it is the part of the man to bring about that adjustment.  This part of the adjustment need not here be detailed; the books of Havelock Ellis are explicit on the matter.  Certainly no small share of the difficulties of our housewife result, for it is a law that excitement without gratification brings about nervous instability.