Henceforth the mirror became my confidant.  It procured me the one happiness of my childhood.  When I was indoors I passed most of my time practising smiles, and forming my expression.  I was seized with terror lest I should lose the gift that was worth “a pocketful of gold.”

I avoided the wild and noisy games of other girls for fear of getting scratched.  Once, however, I was playing with some of my school friends in a courtyard.  We were swinging on the shafts of a cart when I fell and ran a nail into my cheek.  The pain was nothing compared to the thought of a permanent mark.  I was depressed for months, until one day I heard a teacher say that the mark was all but gone—­a mere beauty spot.

When I sat before the looking-glass, I only thought of the future.  Childhood seemed to me a long, tiresome journey that must be got through before I reached the goal of riches, which to me meant happiness.

Our house overlooked the dwelling of the chief magistrate.  It was a white building in the style of a palace, the walls of which were covered in summer-time with roses and clematis, and to my eyes it was the finest and most imposing house in the world.

It was surrounded by park-like grounds with trim lawns and tall trees.  An iron railing with gilded spikes divided it from the common world.

Sometimes when the gate was standing open I peeped inside.  It seemed as though the house came nearer and nearer to me.  I caught a glimpse in the basement of white-capped serving-maids, which seemed to me the height of elegance.  It was said that the yellow curtains on the ground floor were pure silk.  As to the upstairs rooms, the shutters were generally closed.  These apartments had not been opened since the death of Herr von Brincken’s wife.  He rarely entertained.

Sometimes while I was watching the house, Herr von Brincken would come riding home accompanied by a groom.  He always bowed to me, and occasionally spoke a few words.  One day an idea took possession of me, with such force that I almost involuntarily exclaimed aloud.  My brain reeled as I said to myself, “Some day I will marry the great man and live in that house!”

This ambition occupied my thoughts day and night.  Other things seemed unreal.  I discovered by accident that Herr von Brincken often visited the parents of one of my schoolmates.  I took great pains to cultivate her acquaintance, and we became inseparable.

Although I was not yet confirmed, I succeeded in getting an invitation to a party at which Von Brincken was to be present.  At that time I ignored the meaning of love; I had not even felt that vague, gushing admiration that girls experience at that age.  But when at table this man turned his eyes upon me with a look of astonishment, I felt uncomfortable, with the kind of discomfort that follows after eating something unpleasant.  Later in the the evening he came and talked to me, and I managed to draw him on until he asked whether I should like to see his garden.