His mania for tidiness often forced me, against my nature, to a counteracting negligence.  I intentionally disarranged the bookshelves in the library; but he would follow me five minutes afterwards and put everything in its place again.

Yet had I really cared for him, this fussiness would have been an added charm in my eyes.

Was Richard always faithful to me?  Or, if not, did he derive any pleasure from his lapses?  Naturally enough he must have had many temptations; and although I, as a mere woman, was hindered by a thousand conventional reasons, he had opportunities and reasonable excuses for taking what was offered him.

And probably he did not lose his chances; at any rate when he was away for long together on business.  But I am convinced that his infidelities were a sort of indirect homage to his lawful wife, and that he did not derive much satisfaction from them.  I am not afraid of being compared with other women.

After all, my good Richard may have remained absolutely true to me, thanks to his mania for having all things in order.

I am almost sorry that I never caught him in some disgraceful infidelity.  Discovery, confession, scenes, sighs, and tears!  Who knows but what it might have been a very good thing for us?  The certainty of his unceasing attentions to me was rather tame; and he did not gain much by it in the long run, poor man.

The only time I ever remember to have felt jealous it was not a pleasant sensation, although I am sure there were no real grounds for it.  It was brought about by his suggestion that we should invite Edith to go to Monaco with us.  Richard went as white as a sheet when I asked him whether my society no longer sufficed for him....

I cannot understand how any grown-up man can take a girl of seventeen seriously.  They irritate me beyond measure.

* * * * *

Malthe has come back from Vienna, they tell me.  I did not know he had been to Vienna.  I thought all this time he had been at Copenhagen.

It is strange how this news has upset me.  What does it matter where he lives?

If he were ten years younger, or I ten years older, I might have adopted him.  It would not be the first time that a middle-aged woman has replaced her lap-dog in that way.  Then I should have found him a suitable wife!  I should have surrounded myself by a swarm of pretty girls and chosen the pick of the bunch for him.  What a fascinating prospect!

* * * * *

I have never made a fool of myself, and I am not likely to begin now.

* * * * *

I begin to meet people in the forest—­my forest.  They gather flowers and break branches, and I feel as though they were robbing me.  If only I could forbid people to walk in the forest and to boat on The Sound!

It is quite bad enough to have the gardener prowling about in my garden.  He is all over the place.  The garden seems to have shrunk since he came.  And yet, in spite of myself, I often stand watching the man when he is digging.  He has such muscular strength and uses it so skilfully.  He puts on very humble airs in my presence, but his insolent eyes take in everything.