Her parents had been married twelve years when she was born.  When she was thirteen they celebrated their silver wedding.  Until that moment in her life she had grown up in the belief that they were a perfectly united couple.  The father was a chemist in a small town, and they lived comfortably.  The silver wedding festivities took place in their own house.  At dinner the girl drank some wine and felt it had gone to her head.  She left the table, saying to her mother, “I am going to lie down in my room for a little while.”  But on the way she turned so giddy that she went by mistake into a spare room that was occupied by a cavalry officer, a cousin of her mother’s.  Too tired to go a step farther, she fell asleep on a sofa in the darkened room.  A little later she woke, and heard the sounds of music and dancing downstairs, but felt no inclination to join in the gaiety.  Presently she dropped off again, and when she roused for the second time she was aware of whispers near her couch.  In the first moment of awakening she felt ashamed of being caught there by some of the guests.  She held her breath and lay very still.  Then she recognized her mother’s voice.  After a few minutes she grasped the truth....  Her mother, whom she worshipped, and this officer, whom she admired in a childish way!

They lit the candles.  She forced herself to lie motionless, and feigned to be fast asleep.  She heard her mother’s exclamation of horror:  “Jeanne!” And the captain’s words: 

“Thank goodness she is sleeping like a log!”

Her mother rearranged her disordered hair, and they left the room.

After a few minutes she returned with a lamp, calling out: 

“Jeanne, where are you, child?  We have been searching all over the house!”

Her pretended astonishment when she discovered the girl made the whole scene more painful to Jeanne.  But gathering up her self-control as best she could, she succeeded in replying: 

“I am so tired:  let me have my sleep out.”

Her mother bent over her and kissed her several times.  The child felt as though she would die while submitting to these caresses.

This one hour, with its cruel enlightenment, sufficed to destroy Jeanne’s joy in life for ever.  At the same time it filled her mind with impure thoughts that haunted her night and day.  She matured precociously in the atmosphere of her own despair.

There was no one in whom she could confide; alone she bore the weight of a double secret, either of which was enough to crush her youth.

She could not bear to look her mother in the face.  With her father, too, she felt ill at ease, as though she had in some way wronged him.  Everything was soiled for her.  She had but one desire; to get away from home.

About two years later her mother was seized with fatal illness.  Jeanne could not bring herself to show her any tenderness.  The piteous glance of the dying woman followed all her comings and goings, but she pretended not to see it.  Once, when her father was out of the room, her mother called Jeanne to the bedside: