In this connection I wish to give young men some wholesome advice, which, if observed, will keep them out of a great deal of trouble, and save the payment of a great many bills.  Whenever you hear that an old clock, an old carriage, an old saw-mill, an old steamboat, or a woman or girl who is passionately fond of dancing is on the market, be certain to remain in bed or get the sheriff, which is much safer, to put you in jail until these articles are disposed of.  I respectfully refer to all who have had any of these articles knocked off on them.

When the ball closes, the young men take the girls to their homes.  In a little while the girls—­darling angels—­are in the land of dreams, but they certainly never dream that they have been “sowing the seeds of eternal shame, sowing the seeds of a maddened brain.”  They never dream that they are responsible for all the sins and crimes that flow from the ball room, BUT THEY CERTAINLY ARE, because if they would not go to these places, there never would be another ball or hop or dance upon the face of all the earth.

MEN WILL NOT DANCE BY THEMSELVES.

If they do, they will not injure any one but themselves, and they will be certain not to keep late hours.  While the girls are dreaming, the young men are assembling at some favorite room or corner down in town.  If Jim gets there first he waits for Bill, and then they wait for Jack, Bob, Ben, Charlie and the balance of the club.  When they are all in, one or two of the older ones propose to go across the way and take a drink at the corner saloon, which is still in blast; yes, running at a full head of steam, or rather mean whiskey.  Now here is a very strange thing.  I have never heard of but one first-class saloon closing until after the ball closed, and in this case the owner was very sick and the bar-tender had skipped with the cash balance.  Some of these boys have been taught by their old-fogy fathers and mothers that such things are not to be found on the straight and narrow road, because there is no room for them along this road, and no use for them either.

I have carefully examined my way-bill to heaven, and it was made out by one who knows every foot of the way, but I find no mention made of drinking saloons, ball rooms, theaters, operas, houses of ill-fame, and such like places as being on or near this road.  The same one has furnished me a way-bill to hell, and I find all these places mentioned as being on the line of this road.  Whenever you find yourself, dear reader, at one of these places, you may know beyond the shadow of a doubt that you are not in the narrow road; and with equal certainty you may know you are in the broad road.  Now these boys are evidently on the broad road, because the devil’s sutler-shops are not to be found anywhere else, for the very good reason that he cannot get a permit to put them up on the narrow road.  He would put them in the very center of heaven if he possibly could.