Would magic Science could scare the black vista to luridest Limbo, Would that fresh breezes were tinned and the sunshine of Italy bottled!!

* * * * *

[Illustration:  MISS TWELFTHNIGHT AND HER CHARACTERS FOR 1892.]

* * * * *

THEFT V. THRIFT.

    ["The Economic Man, whose sole motive was selfishness, was
    created by ADAM SMITH.”—­Daily News.]

  A century’s gone, and still wiseacres plan
  A future for the Economic Man;
  But one fatality strikes us as comical,—­
  That—­up to now—­he is not economical! 
  The soulless thing whose motor sole is Self,
  Squanders, as well as snatches, sordid pelf. 
  Perhaps if he could use as well as steal,
  The common wealth might prove the common weal.

* * * * *

MR. PUNCH’S NEW-YEAR HONOURS, GIFTS, GOOD WISHES, AND GREETINGS.

(CONFERRED BY HIM, WITHOUT “OFFICIAL NOTIFICATION.”)

To Her Most Gracious Majesty.—­The Queendom of his heart.

To the Duke of Clarence, and the Princess May.—­A Bridal Quick March.

To Prince George of Wales.—­A Clean Bill of Health.

To Prince Christian.—­“Eyes right!”

To Mr. Gladstone.—­Freedom from the City, its fogs, and politics.

To the Duke of Devonshire.—­A Peerage, and the right successor in Rossendale.

To Mr. Chamberlain.—­His Cartoon for the week.

To Mr. Balfour.—­An Irish “Order.”

To Lord Randolph Churchill.—­“Something new out of Africa.”

To the Peerage.—­General Sir FREDERICK ROBERTS. (The greatest “honour” of the lot, by Jove!)

To Henry Irving.—­“A Health to the King” (HARRY THE EIGHTH), and any number of Nights’ (run).

To Johnny Toole.—­Rapid recovery, and “another kind love” from Toole-le-Monde!

To Mr. Punch’s Young Men.—­Privy Councillorships (to the Public) all round.

To Everybody.—­A Happy New Volume!

* * * * *

A QUESTION OF PRECEDENCE, BUT NOT A PRECEDENT.—­It is a gracious act on the part of a Cabman, when, at a dinner-party, he gives the pas to an Omnibus-driver, at the same time courteously explaining this waiver of rights by saying that “at the present moment he is not standing on his rank.”

* * * * *

“THE COMPLEMENTS OF THE SEASON.”—­Christmas Boxes.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  SUPERIOR EDUCATION.

Page Boy (to Jeames).  “WHERE SHALL I PUT THISH ’ER DISH OF AMMONDS?”

Jeames (with dignity).  “I’M SURPRISED, HARTHUR, THAT AT YOUR HAGE YOU ’AVEN’T LEARNT ’OW TO PERNOUNCE THE R IN HARMONDS!”]