THE ARITHMETICAL BICYCLIST,

[Illustration]

who will ride his favourite two-wheeled vehicle while he sings a song introducing in a pleasing manner the Multiplication Table.  This sweet-toned vocalist will be succeeded by

THE STAR-LOVING PIG ATTENDED BY COMICAL HERSCHEL.

In which the former will spell out (with the assistance of card-board letters) a number of interesting astronomical facts at the instigation of his mirth-provoking master and proprietor.  This talented performer will be followed by

THE UNIVERSAL KNOWLEDGE QUADRILLE.

In which the entire troupe will appear on horseback, and go through the programme of studies (proficiency in which is required by the Tenth Standard) without a single mistake.

The performances will then be brought to an appropriate and jubilant conclusion by

A SILVER COLLECTION IN AID OF THE RATES!

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QUEER QUERIES.—­OUR DEFENCES.—­I am informed that Mr. STANHOPE is expected shortly to go abroad, “in order to recruit.”  Can even the blindest military optimist any longer deny that the British Army is a nefarious imposture, when the Minister for War is forced into an ignominious attempt to raise a body of foreign mercenaries by his own personal efforts?

HALF-PAY PATRIOT.

SCIENTIFIC.—­Could you kindly tell me what “the Great Ice Age” means?  My Pater took me to hear some fellow lecture about it the other day, but I couldn’t understand much of what he said.  I thought he was going to talk about strawberry ices and lemon ices, which I like awfully, but he didn’t even mention them!  Don’t you think twelve is the great Ice Age—­I mean the age when boys ought to be allowed to eat as many as they like?  N.B.—­I am just twelve.

TOMMY.

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WORTH SEEING.—­“We understand that to the Exhibition of “Instruments of Torture,” and now on view in London, have been lately added the Medici Collar, a Piano Organ, and a “Shakspeare for the use of Schools.”

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MEM.  BY “THE OFFICIAL RECEIVER.”—­“Firm as a Rock” will not be henceforth a proverb of universal application.

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[Illustration:  ELECTION FEVER.  A VICTIM’S VICISSITUDES.]

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TRAN-SLATED.

(BEING A NEWLY-DISCOVERED FRAGMENT OF AN OLD GREEK PLAY, SUPPOSED TO BE A VERY EARLY “AGAMEMNON.”)

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  Cly. The coals I bought as Wallsend are not so.

  Ag. Thus groundless hopes vanish—­like coals in smoke.

  Cly. You speak in words Mysterious, lacking sense.

  Ag. The sense is patent to the reasoning mind.

  Cly. And yet I paid for them upon the nail.