don’t like the looks of you, for you haven’t the appearance of buyers unless I lose by you, and because I’d rather lose than not take money to-night, and that’s a looking-glass in which you may see how ugly you look when you don’t bid.  What do you say now?  Come!  Do you say a pound?  Not you, for you haven’t got it.  Do you say ten shillings?  Not you, for you owe more to the tallyman.  Well then, I’ll tell you what I’ll do with you.  I’ll heap ’em all on the footboard of the cart,—­there they are! razors, flat watch, dinner plates, rolling-pin, and away for four shillings, and I’ll give you sixpence for your trouble!” This is me, the Cheap Jack.  But on the Monday morning, in the same market-place, comes the Dear Jack on the hustings—­his cart—­and, what does he say?  “Now my free and independent woters, I am a going to give you such a chance” (he begins just like me) “as you never had in all your born days, and that’s the chance of sending Myself to Parliament.  Now I’ll tell you what I am a going to do for you.  Here’s the interests of this magnificent town promoted above all the rest of the civilised and uncivilised earth.  Here’s your railways carried, and your neighbours’ railways jockeyed.  Here’s all your sons in the Post-office.  Here’s Britannia smiling on you.  Here’s the eyes of Europe on you.  Here’s uniwersal prosperity for you, repletion of animal food, golden cornfields, gladsome homesteads, and rounds of applause from your own hearts, all in one lot, and that’s myself.  Will you take me as I stand?  You won’t?  Well, then, I’ll tell you what I’ll do with you.  Come now!  I’ll throw you in anything you ask for.  There!  Church-rates, abolition of more malt tax, no malt tax, universal education to the highest mark, or uniwersal ignorance to the lowest, total abolition of flogging in the army or a dozen for every private once a month all round, Wrongs of Men or Rights of Women—­only say which it shall be, take ’em or leave ’em, and I’m of your opinion altogether, and the lot’s your own on your own terms.  There!  You won’t take it yet!  Well, then, I’ll tell you what I’ll do with you.  Come!  You are such free and independent woters, and I am so proud of you,—­you are such a noble and enlightened constituency, and I am so ambitious of the honour and dignity of being your member, which is by far the highest level to which the wings of the human mind can soar,—­that I’ll tell you what I’ll do with you.  I’ll throw you in all the public-houses in your magnificent town for nothing.  Will that content you?  It won’t?  You won’t take the lot yet?  Well, then, before I put the horse in and drive away, and make the offer to the next most magnificent town that can be discovered, I’ll tell you what I’ll do.  Take the lot, and I’ll drop two thousand pound in the streets of your magnificent town for them to pick up that can.  Not enough?  Now look here.  This is the very furthest that I’m a going to.