speculations to the anatomy professor.  Or, if anything, he is averse to such wanton inquiries, as delighting rather that the parts which he has care of should be returned to their kindred dust in as handsome and unmutilated condition as possible; that the grave should have its full and unimpaired tribute,—­a complete and just carcass.  Nor is he only careful to provide for the body’s entireness, but for its accommodation and ornament.  He orders the fashion of its clothes, and designs the symmetry of its dwelling.  Its vanity has an innocent survival in him.  He is bedmaker to the dead.  The pillows which he lays never rumple.  The day of interment is the theatre in which he displays the mysteries of his art.  It is hard to describe what he is, or rather to tell what he is not, on that day:  for, being neither kinsman, servant, nor friend, he is all in turns; a transcendant, running through all those relations.  His office is to supply the place of self-agency in the family, who are presumed incapable of it through grief.  He is eyes, and ears, and hands, to the whole household.  A draught of wine cannot go round to the mourners, but he must minister it.  A chair may hardly be restored to its place by a less solemn hand than his.  He takes upon himself all functions, and is a sort of ephemeral major-domo!  He distributes his attentions among the company assembled according to the degree of affliction, which he calculates from the degree of kin to the deceased; and marshals them accordingly in the procession.  He himself is of a sad and tristful countenance; yet such as (if well examined) is not without some show of patience and resignation at bottom; prefiguring, as it were, to the friends of the deceased, what their grief shall be when the hand of Time shall have softened and taken down the bitterness of their first anguish; so handsomely can he fore-shape and anticipate the work of Time.  Lastly, with his wand, as with another divining rod, he calculates the depth of earth at which the bones of the dead man may rest, which he ordinarily contrives may be at such a distance from the surface of this earth, as may frustrate the profane attempts of such as would violate his repose, yet sufficiently on this side the centre to give his friends hopes of an easy and practicable resurrection.  And here we leave him, casting in dust to dust, which is the last friendly office that he undertakes to do.”

Begging your pardon for detaining you so long among “graves, and worms, and epitaphs,” I am, Sir,

Your humble servant,

MORITURUS.

* * * * *

ON THE
DANGER OF CONFOUNDING MORAL WITH PERSONAL
DEFORMITY.

WITH A HINT TO THOSE WHO HAVE THE FRAMING OF
ADVERTISEMENTS FOR APPREHENDING OFFENDERS.

* * * * *

TO THE EDITOR OF “THE REFLECTOR.”