“But the Alhambra was excellent,” was the reply.  “Suppose we send to our Committee a Report of the ‘Magnetic Lady’ and ignore the Hypnotist?”

And so it was decided, and it was time to write their Report.  Then pens, ink, and paper were produced, and the Savants prepared for work.  They had scarcely commenced, when a gentleman stood in their midst, and glared at them.  He gave them each a disc, and commanded them to gaze upon its surface.  Then, one by one, they fell over fast asleep.  He placed them back in their chairs.

“Now for your Report,” he murmured.  “And so you would ignore my show and praise another!  But you are in my power, and shall obey me!  Write what I dictate!” And so they wrote.  And, strange as it may appear to non-believers in Hypnotism, the Report, when published, was found to be an excellent advertisement for the Royal Westminster Aquarium!

* * * * *

[Illustration:  SENILE FELINE AMENITIES.

“WELL, GOOD AFTERNOON—­I’M GOING TO CALL ON MY MOTHER!”

“WHAT!  YOU DON’T MEAN TO SAY YOU’VE GOT A MOTHER LIVING?”

“OH YES—­AND SHE DON’T LOOK A BIT OLDER THAN YOU DO—­I ASSURE YOU!”]

* * * * *

OUR FINANCIAL COLUMN.

Orl Court, E.C.[2]

I am preparing a big coup, and wish all my friends to be in it.  My friends are legion, it is true, but they may depend upon me to do the best for all.  Nothing on the gigantic scale I am now preparing has been seen or heard of in the Financial World since the days of the Flood, when NOAH’s floating capital weathered the storm.  What was the stock worth when Father NOAH once again touched land?  Expect the biggest result ever known.  I may be sanguine.  I have the right to be so.

[Illustration]

“PONY.”—­Yes.  Buy A. and C.N.B.—­Invest big cheque with yours truly.  The only safe and profitable investment.

“D.A.H.”—­Don’t you do it, or you’ll be H.A.D.  Send cheques here.  Strict account kept, and gains delivered in cash by special messenger.

“A HESITATER.”—­Don’t doubt for a moment.  Sell everything right off, and invest proceeds by cheque with your friend.”

“A.S.S.”—­The Dividend days of the “Ex-Nihilo-Fit Loan and Insurance Company are April 1, up to mid-day, and September 31.

So much for some of the principal Correspondents who require an answer in my weekly article.  As for myself, I can only say that my motto is, “Confidentia Illimitata et Nulla Pecunia redditur.”  Within the last month the gross earnings of the office on behalf of my clients has been L12,345,678,910 which compares favourably with the previous month.  Every penny of this, equal to 50 per cent. profit to every one of my clients, will be distributed within a week with a handsome bonus of twenty-five pounds to everyone sending in his coupon or cheque for fifteen sovereigns by twelve o’clock next Tuesday, after which hour it is impossible for any one, be he who he may, from Kaiser to Chimney-sweeper, to participate in the enormous profit which will have been honestly earned by