We suppose old Dormio is asleep as usual.

* * * * *

    “The clergy will be pleased to hear of parishioners who are
    sick.".—­Parish Magazine.

No doubt they mean it kindly, but it sounds rather callous.

* * * * *

    “Holders of 15s. 6d.  War Savings Certificates and scrip vouchers of the
    War Loan are acceptable over the Post Office counter at their face
    value.”—­Daily News.

“‘My face is my fortune, Sir,’ she said.”

* * * * *

    “Will anyone give 15/- and a kind home to a nice little brown miniature
    poodle dog, 3 years, ideal pet and companion?”—­The Bazaar.

Sixpence more and the little pet could buy a War Savings Certificate.

* * * * *

THE FATE OF UMBRELLAS.

No.  I.

From Arthur Vivian, Bury Street, St. James’s, to Mrs. Morton, Dockington Hall, Bucks.

DEAR MRS. MORTON,—­Just a line to thank you very sincerely for my delightful visit.  It was like old times to see you “all gathered together in hospitable Dockington and to find that the War, terrible as it is, has not altogether abolished pleasant human intercourse in England, in spite of what the Dean said.  But then Deans are privileged persons.

I am sorry to say, by the way, that in the hurry of departure this morning I took away the wrong umbrella and left my own.  I am sending back the changeling with all proper apologies.  Would you mind sending me mine?  It has a crook handle (cane) and a plain silver band with my initials engraved on it.  Please give my love to Harry and the children.

  Yours always sincerely,
  ARTHUR VIVIAN.

No.  II.

From the Dean of Marchester to Mrs. Morton.

DEAR MRS. MORTON,—­I desire to thank you for three most agreeable days spent in congenial company.  You have indeed mastered the secret of making your guests feel at home, and Dockington even in war-time is still Dockington.  Pray give my warm regards to Mr. Morton and remember me suitably to the dear children.  I wish they wouldn’t keep on growing up as they do; childhood is so delightful.

I find to my great regret that by some inexplicable mistake I took away with me an umbrella that is not mine.  I am sending it back to you, and shall be deeply beholden to you if you will pack up and send to me the one I left.  It is an old one, recognisable by its cane handle (crook) and an indiarubber ring round the shaft.  Pray accept my apologies for the trouble I am giving you.

  Yours very sincerely,
  CHARLES MELDEW.

No.  III.

From Brigadier-General Barton to his Sister, Mrs. Morton.