“‘Tain’t the liftin’ that do be troublin’ I, Miss,” he said confidentially, “’tis the ‘ead-work.  I don’t believe there be a wumman livin’ could do it.  There be a tur’ble lot of ‘ead-work in the carryin’ business.  Why, I do think—­think—­think mornen till night, till what wi’ one thing an’ what wi’ another thing I’m sure there’s times when I don’t know if I be on my ’ead or my ’eels.  Why, I’ve seen the time when I’ve a-comed in and I’ve a-set down and I’ve a-said to Missis, ’No, Missis, I don’t want no tea; I don’t want nothen only to set quiet, for I be just about tired out with that there thinkin’.’

“There be such a sight o’ things you do have to remember, lookee.  What wi’ the grocer, an’ what wi’ the draper, an’ folks’s parcels to leave an’ folks’s parcels to call for, an’ picken up here an’ setten down there—­well, a woman’s brain ain’t strong enough for it, leastways not to my way o’ thinkin’....

“Well, now, if I ain’t a-gone an’ forgot to call at old Mrs. Pettigrew’s for her subscription for to get made up at the chemist’s!  There, now, Miss, don’t that just show how you do ‘ave to kip on thinkin’ all the time, else you be just about sure to forget somethin’ or another?  Oh yes, there be a smartish lot of ‘ead-work in the carryin’ business, an’ no mistake!”

* * * * *

An Enviable Post.

From a list of the new Government:—­

    “Chancellor of the Ducky of Lancaster:  Sir Frederick Cawley.”—­Star
    (Johannesburg).

* * * * *

    “Man, to drive horse and make himself generally useful in nursery.”—­
    Provincial Press.

No doubt a rocking-horse.

* * * * *

From a New Zealand diocesan magazine:—­

    “Owing to the continued illness of the Vicar, which we trust is
    reaching its last stage, the services of the Church have been conducted
    by the following,” etc.

The Vicar, we understand, thinks this might have been more tactfully worded.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Long-suffering Wife (to amateur politician).  “OH, ALL RIGHT.  DON’T KEEP ‘OLLERIN’ AT ME ABOUT THE WAR AND THE GOVER’MENT!  WHO DO YOU THINK YOU’RE TALKING TO—­LORD DEVUMPORK?”]

* * * * *

THE PURIFIED PRUSSIAN.

[Writing in Die Woche a well-known Baroness, a leader of Berlin society, discusses the transformation and purification of Berlin conviviality by the War.  Social functions accompanied by eating have altogether ceased and given way to more refined gatherings—­aesthetic afternoon teas and elegant evening parties—­at which the conversation reaches heights of brilliancy unheard of in the old carnivorous days.  Unhappily snobbery still prevails, “every class pretending to be richer and better than they are—­small officials, officers, landowners, all pretending to be millionaires, and doing their pretension shabbily.”]