Au. Do you wash first.

Ch. Pray excuse me.  I had rather eat my Supper with unwashen Hands this twelve Months.

Au. O ridiculous!  ’Tis not he that is the most honourable, but he that is the dirtiest that should wash first; then do you wash as the dirtiest.

Ch. You are too complaisant.  You are more complaisant than enough; than is fitting.  But to what Purpose is all this Ceremony?  Let us leave these trifling Ceremonies to Women, they are quite kick’d out of the Court already, although they came from thence at first.  Wash three or four at a Time.  Don’t let us spend the Time in these Delays.  I won’t place any Body, let every one take what Place he likes best.  He that loves to sit by the Fire, will sit best here.  He that can’t bear the Light let him take this Corner.  He that loves to look about him, let him sit here.  Come, here has been Delays enough.  Sit down.  I am at Home, I’ll take my Supper standing, or walking about, which I like best.  Why don’t you sit down, Supper will be spoiled.

Au. Now let us enjoy ourselves, and eat heartily.  Now let us be Epicures.  We have nothing to do with Superciliousness.  Farewell Care, let all Ill-will and Detraction be banished.  Let us be merry, pleasant, and facetious.

Ch.  Austin, pray who are those Stoics and Epicures?

Au. The Stoics are a certain melancholy, rigid, parcimonious Sect of Philosophers, who make the Summum bonum of Mankind, to consist in a certain, I can’t tell what, honestum.  The Epicures are the Reverse of these, and they make the Felicity of a Man to consist in Pleasure.

Ch. Pray what Sect are you of, a Stoic or an Epicure?

Au. I recommend Zeno’s Rules; but I follow Epicurus’s Practice.

Ch.  Austin, what you speak in Jest, a great many do in Earnest, and are only Philosophers by their Cloaks and Beards.

Au. Nay, indeed they out-live the Asots in Luxury.

Ch.  Dromo, come hither.  Do your Office, say Grace.

Boy. “May he that feeds all Things by his Bounty, command his Blessing upon what is or shall be set upon this Table.  Amen.”

Ch. Set the Victuals on the Table.  Why do we delay to eat up this Capon?  Why are we afraid to carve this Cock?

Au. I’ll be Hercules, and slay this Beast.  Which had you rather have, a Wing or a Leg?

Ch. Which you will, I don’t matter which.

Au. In this Sort of Fowls the Wing is look’d upon the best; in other Fowls the Leg is commonly esteemed the greater dainty Bit.

Ch. I put you to a great Deal of Trouble.  You take a great Deal of Trouble upon you, upon my Account.  You help every Body else, and eat nothing yourself.  I’ll help you to this Wing; but upon this Condition, that you shall give me Half of it back.