The PROFANE FEAST.

The ARGUMENT.

Our Erasmus most elegantly proposes all the Furniture of this Feast; the Discourses and Behaviour of the Entertainer and the Guests, &c. Water and a Bason before Dinner.  The Stoics, the Epicureans; the Form of the Grace at Table.  It is good Wine that pleases four Senses.  Why Bacchus is the Poets God; why he is painted a Boy.  Mutton very wholsome.  That a Man does not live by Bread and Wine only.  Sleep makes some Persons fat.  Venison is dear.  Concerning Deers, Hares, and Geese:  They of old defended the Capitol at Rome. Of Cocks, Capons and Fishes.  Here is discoursed of by the by, Fasting.  Of the Choice of Meats.  Some Persons Superstition in that Matter.  The Cruelty of those Persons that require these Things of those Persons they are hurtful to; when the eating of Fish is neither necessary, nor commanded by Christ.  The eating of Fish is condemned by Physicians.  The chief Luxury of old Time consisted in Fishes.  We should always live a sober Life.  What Number of Guests there should be at an Entertainment.  The Bill of Fare of the second Course.  The Magnificence of the French. The ancient Law of Feasts.  Either drink, or begone.  A Variation of Phrases.  Thanksgiving after Meat.

AUSTIN, CHRISTIAN, a BOY.

Au. O, my Christian, God bless you.

Ch. It is very well that you are come.  I am glad you’re come.  I congratulate myself that you are come.  I believe it has not struck five yet.

Boy. Yes, it is a good While past five.  It is not far from six.  It is almost six.  You’ll hear it strike six presently.

Au. It is no great Matter whether I come before five or after five, as long as I am not come after Supper; for that is a miserable Thing, to come after a Feast is over.  What’s all this great Preparation for?  What means all this Provision?  What, do you think I’m a Wolf?  Do you take me for a Wolf?  Do you think I’m a Vulture?

Ch. Not a Vulture, nor yet do I think you a Grashopper, to live upon Dew.  Here is nothing of Extravagancy, I always lov’d Neatness, and abhor Slovenliness.  I am for being neither luxurious nor niggardly.  We had better leave than lack.  If I dress’d but one Dish of Peas, and the Soot should chance to fall in the Pot and spoil it, what should we have to eat then?  Nor does every Body love one Thing; therefore I love a moderate Variety.

Au. An’t you afraid of the sumptuary Laws?

Ch. Nay, I most commonly offend on the contrary Side.  There is no need of the Fannian Law at our House.  The Slenderness of my Income teaches me Frugality sufficiently.

Au. This is contrary to our Agreement.  You promised me quite otherwise.

Ch. Well, Mr. Fool, you don’t stand to your Agreement.  For it was agreed upon that you should bring nothing but merry Tales.  But let us have done with these Matters, and wash, and sit down to Supper.  Soho, Boy, bring a little Water and a Bason; hang a Towel over your Shoulder, pour out some Water.  What do you loiter for?  Wash, Austin.