Pe. They are useful, fit, proper, to wipe your Breech with.  They are good to wipe your Backside with.  If you don’t know the Use of them, they are good to wipe your Arse with.  To wipe your Breech with.  To wipe your Backside with.  They are good to cleanse that Part of the Body that often fouls itself.  They are good to wrap Mackrel in.  Good to make up Grocery Ware in.

* * * * *

Of wishing well.

1. To a Man whose Wife is with Child.

Pe. What? are our little Friends well?  How does your Wife do?

Ch. Very well, I left her with her Mother, and with Child.

Pe. I wish it may be well for you, and her too:  To you, because you’re shortly to be a Father, and she a Mother.  God be with you.  I pray and desire that it may be prosperous and happy to you both.  I pray, I beg of God that she, having a safe Delivery, may bear a Child worthy of you both; and may make you a Father of a fine Child.  I commend you that you have shewed yourself to be a Man.  I am glad you have prov’d yourself to be a Man.  You have shew’d yourself to be a Gallus, but not Cybele’s.  Now you may go, I believe you are a Man.

Ch. You joke upon me, as you are used to do.  Well, go on, you may say what you please to me.

* * * * *

2. To one coming Home into his own Country.

Ch. I hear, you have lately been in your own Country.

Pe. I have so, I had been out of it a pretty While.  I could not bear to be out of it long.  I could not bear to be out of my Parents Sight any longer.  I thought it long till I enjoy’d my Friends Company.

Ch. You have acted very piously.  You are very good Humour’d, to think of those Matters.  We have all a strange Affection for the Country that hath bred us, and brought us forth.

As Ovid says: 

      Nescio qua natale solum dulcedine cunctos
      Ducit, et immemores non sinit esse sui.

Pray tell me how did you find all Things there.

* * * * *

All Things new.  The Form.

Pe. Nothing but what was new.  All Things changed, all Things become new.  See how soon Time changes all human Affairs.  Methought I came into another World.  I had scarce been absent ten Years, and yet I admired at every Thing, as much as Epimenides the Prince of Sleepers, when he first wak’d out of his Sleep.

Ch. What Story is that?  What Fable is that?

Pe. I’ll tell you if you are at Leisure.

Ch. There is nothing more pleasant.

Pe. Then order me a Chair and a Cushion.

Ch. That’s very well thought on, for you will tell Lyes the better, sitting at Ease.

Pe. Historians tell us a Story, of one Epimenides a Man of Crete, who taking a Walk alone by himself without the City, being caught in a hasty Shower of Rain, went for Shelter into a Cave, and there fell asleep, and slept on for seven and forty Years together.