Phil. What if he informs you, and proves to your Face he has not had the Goods you charge him with?

Pseud. I stand to it stiffly; for Bashfulness is altogether an unprofitable Qualification in this Art.  My last Shift is, I frame some Excuse or other.

Phil. But when you are caught openly?

Pseud. Nothing’s more easy, I pretend my Servant has made a Mistake, or I myself have a treacherous Memory:  It is a very pretty Way to jumble the Accounts together, and this is an easy Way to impose on a Person:  As for Example, some are cross’d out, the Money being paid, and others have not been paid; these I mingle one with another at the latter End of the Book, nothing being cross’d out.  When the Sum is cast up, we contend about it, and I for the most Part get the better, tho’ it be by forswearing myself.  Then besides, I have this Trick, I make up my Account with a Person when he is just going a Journey, and not prepared for the Settling it.  For as for me, I am always ready.  If any Thing be left with me, I conceal it, and restore it not again.  It is a long Time before he can come to the Knowledge of it, to whom it is sent; and, after all, if I can’t deny the receiving of a Thing, I say it is lost, or else affirm I have sent that which I have not sent, and charge it upon the Carrier.  And lastly, if I can no Way avoid restoring it, I restore but Part of it.

Phil. A very fine Art.

Pseud. Sometimes I receive Money twice over, if I can:  First at Home, afterwards there where I have gone, and I am every where.  Sometimes Length of Time puts Things out of Remembrance:  The Accounts are perplexed, one dies, or goes a long Journey:  And if nothing else will hit, in the mean Time I make Use of other People’s Money.  I bring some over to my Interest, by a Shew of Generosity, that they may help me out in lying; but it is always at other People’s Cost; of my own, I would not give my own Mother a Doit.  And tho’ the Gain in each Particular may be but small; but being many put together, makes a good round Sum; for as I said, I concern myself in a great many Affairs; and besides all, that I may not be catch’d, as there are many Tricks, this is one of the chief.  I intercept all the Letters I can, open them, and read them.  If any Thing in them makes against me, I destroy them, or keep them a long Time before I deliver them:  And besides all this, I sow Discord between those that live at a great Distance one from another.

Phil. What do you get by that?

Pseud. There is a double Advantage in it.  First of all, if that is not performed that I have promised in another Person’s Name, or in whose Name I have received any Present, I lay it to this or that Man’s Door, that it was not performed, and so these Forgeries I make turn to a considerable Account.

Phil. But what if he denies it?

Pseud. He’s a great Way off, as suppose at Basil; and I promise to give it in England. And so it is brought about, that both being incensed, neither will believe the one the other, if I accuse them of any Thing.  Now you have a Specimen of my Art.