Then they came across the Channel, and he very sweetly said,
  “So glad to see you looking well, would you like to see your bed? 
  For there, my little dears, you stay; you’ll one day know the reason. 
  I’ll rouse you when the month of May makes natives out of season.”

  The Fishmongers, the Worshipful, sent down a man to see,
  He wrung his hands and shook his head, and said, “Oh, miseree! 
  It pains me very deeply, and it drives me to distraction,
  You’ve done what’s wrong, and I shall have to institute an action.”

  Then Williamson, he sobbed aloud, and shed a bitter tear,
  “Oh, hang it all,” he cried, “why must you come and interfere? 
  I quite admit, however, that I see your point precisely,
  So don’t let’s quarrel, let’s be friends, and bring the action nicely.”

  They brought that friendly action, and the clever counsel tried
  To prove to FAUDELL Phillips that the law was on his side. 
  But the oyster-dealer found the law for him was one too many,
  So he had to pay the piper—­to be quite exact, a penny.

  And you who love your oyster in the latter end of May,
  In June, July, and August, too, will sadly rue the day,
  For philanthropic folk will find it unremunerative
  To introduce in summer-time this Franco-English native.[1]

[Footnote 1:  Oysters are to be six shillings a dozen this winter!!  How many of the ordinarily careless will now be compelled to go by rules without going in for Oysters.  N.B.—­“Action” in these verses is poetic license for “summons.”]

* * * * *

“Save me from my friends!”

    Scene—­A Place of Meeting.  Enter Parliamentary Leader and
    his Subordinate.  They greet one another effusively.

Leader (cordially).  And now, my dear fellow, how are my interests?

Sub. (with much heartiness).  Getting on capitally!  Just been writing to all the papers to say that it is stupid to call you “Old Dot-and-go-one,” because it is inapplicable to either your age or your mode of controversy.

Lead. (with a feeble smile).  That was kind of you!  But who had said it?

Sub. (airily).  Oh, someone of about fourth-rate importance! and it had been quite forgotten you know.  So I dragged it up again, and put it all right for you.

Lead. (shaking hands).  Thanks, so very much.  But if persons had forgotten it, why revert to it?

Sub. Oh, don’t you see?  Why, the point is, you are not a bit like it-not a scrap like it!  Next week I shall write and say that it’s rubbish to call you a turncoat, because you have always been consistent.

Lead. (anxiously).  But is anybody calling me a turncoat?