To tell how Horny yelled and cried,
  And all the artful tricks he tried,
      To ease his tribulations,
  Would more than fill a bigger book
  Than ever author undertook,
      Since the Book of Lamentations.

  His tail’s short, quick, convulsive coils
  Told of more pain than all Job’s boils,
  When Satan brought, with subtle toils,
      Job’s patience to the scratch. 
  For sympathetic tortures spread
  From hoof to tail, from tail to head: 
      All did the anguish catch.

[Illustration]

  And yet, though seemed this sharp correction
  Stereotyped in Satan’s recollection,
      As in his smarting hocks;
  Not until he the following deed
  Had signed and sealed, St. Dunstan freed
      The vagabond from stocks.

TO ALL good folk in Christendom to whom this instrument shall come the Devil sendeth greeting:  KNOW YE that for himself and heirs said Devil covenants and declares, that never at morn or evening prayers at chapel church or meeting, never where concords of sweet sound sacred or social flow around or harmony is woo’d, nor where the Horse-Shoe meets his sight on land or sea by day or night on lowly sill or lofty pinnacle on bowsprit helm mast boom or binnacle, said Devil will intrude.

  The horse-shoe now saves keel, and roof,
  From visits of this rover’s hoof,
      The emblem seen preventing. 
  He recks the bond, but more the pain,
  The nails went so against the grain,
      The rasp was so tormenting.

  He will not through Gran[=a]da march,
  For there he knows the horse-shoe arch
      At every gate attends him. 
  Nor partridges can he digest,
  Since the dire horse-shoe on the breast
      Most grievously offends him.

  The name of Smith he cannot bear;
  Smith Payne he’ll curse, and foully swear
      At Smith of Pennsylvania,
  With looks so wild about the face;
  Monro called in, pronounced the case
      Clear antismithymania;

  And duly certified that Nick
  Should be confined as lunatic,
      Fit subject for commission. 
  But who the deuce would like to be
  The devil’s person’s committee? 
      So kindred won’t petition.

  Now, since the wicked fiend’s at large,
  Skippers, and housekeepers, I charge
      You all to heed my warning. 
  Over your threshold, on your mast,
  Be sure the horse-shoe’s well nailed fast,
      Protecting and adorning.

[Illustration:  “O, et praesidium, et dulce decus.”—­HOR Lib. i.  Ode i.]

  Here note, if humourists by trade
  On waistcoat had the shoe displayed,
  Lampoon’s sour spirit might be laid,
      And cease its spiteful railing. 
  Whether the humour chanced to be
  Joke, pun, quaint ballad, repartee,
  Slang, or bad spelling, we should see
      Good humour still prevailing.