candle, he would draw out the gorse-boughs, and place
them on the floor, and taking off his nightgown, gently
lay himself down on the bed of thorns and spines.
Lying on his face, with the candle and the book before
him, he would softly and tenderly repeat the praises
of his dear, dear Annie, and as he turned over page
after page, and saw the raised gold of the majuscules
glow and flame in the candle-light, he pressed the
thorns into his flesh. At such moments he tasted
in all its acute savor the joy of physical pain; and
after two or three experiences of such delights he
altered his book, making a curious sign in vermilion
on the margin of the passages where he was to inflict
on himself this sweet torture. Never did he fail
to wake at the appointed hour, a strong effort of will
broke through all the heaviness of sleep, and he would
rise up, joyful though weeping, and reverently set
his thorny bed upon the floor, offering his pain with
his praise. When he had whispered the last word,
and had risen from the ground, his body would be all
freckled with drops of blood; he used to view the
marks with pride. Here and there a spine would
be left deep in the flesh, and he would pull these
out roughly, tearing through the skin. On some
nights when he had pressed with more fervor on the
thorns his thighs would stream with blood, red beads
standing out on the flesh, and trickling down to his
feet. He had some difficulty in washing away
the bloodstains so as not to leave any traces to attract
the attention of the servant; and after a time he
returned no more to his bed when his duty had been
accomplished. For a coverlet he had a dark rug,
a good deal worn, and in this he would wrap his naked
bleeding body, and lie down on the hard floor, well
content to add an aching rest to the account of his
pleasures. He was covered with scars, and those
that healed during the day were torn open afresh at
night; the pale olive skin was red with the angry
marks of blood, and the graceful form of the young
man appeared like the body of a tortured martyr.
He grew thinner and thinner every day, for he ate
but little; the skin was stretched on the bones of
his face, and the black eyes burnt in dark purple hollows.
His relations noticed that he was not looking well.
“Now, Lucian, it’s perfect madness of
you to go on like this,” said Miss Deacon, one
morning at breakfast. “Look how your hand
shakes; some people would say that you have been taking
brandy. And all that you want is a little medicine,
and yet you won’t be advised. You know it’s
not my fault; I have asked you to try Dr. Jelly’s
Cooling Powders again and again.”
He remembered the forcible exhibition of the powders
when he was a boy, and felt thankful that those days
were over. He only grinned at his cousin and
swallowed a great cup of strong tea to steady his nerves,
which were shaky enough. Mrs. Dixon saw him one
day in Caermaen; it was very hot, and he had been
walking rather fast. The scars on his body burnt
and tingled, and he tottered as he raised his hat to
the vicar’s wife. She decided without further
investigation that he must have been drinking in public-houses.