“You will,” she said, “or you’ll be court-martialled.  And when he comes into a room in which you’re sitting, you’ll have to jump up and assume a rigid attitude until he’s kind enough to wave his hand.  Oh, it will be a real pleasure to have Fred here now that you’ve been thoroughly recognised.  If you don’t behave to him in a proper military manner you’ll be reported to Lord FRENCH, and then you’ll be more tempy than ever.  Now that you’re recognised you must do the thing thoroughly.”

“You’ll be sorry for this when I’m guarding a railway line night and day.”

“No,” she said, “I shan’t.  I shall keep you going with sandwiches and thermos-flasks.”

R.C.L.

* * * * *

THE CRAZE FOR SUBSTITUTION.

Extract from note written by the Commandant of a V.A.D. hospital to the Sister-in-charge:—­

    “I have just heard that the Medical Officer will not be able
    to come this morning.  I have ordered the sweep.”

* * * * *

    “THE COFFEE SPECIALIST

    ROASTED FRESH DAILY.”

    North China Daily News.

Yet we dare say the poor fellow meant well.

* * * * *

“In the preliminary examination of patients the author introduces a test which is new to us; two or three breaths having been drawn through the nose, this organ is then punched by the anaesthetist, whilst the patient holds his breath as long as possible.”—­The Practitioner.

What the victim of this novel treatment says after recovering his breath is happily withheld from us.

* * * * *

From the Daily Orders of an Australian Battalion:—­

    “MOVES OF OFFICERS.

    The following Officers have reported their arrival and
    departed respectfully.”

Discipline in the Imperial contingents is evidently improving.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  THE BANKRUPT BRAVOS.

SCENE:  Vienna, between the Sittings of the Conference.

SULTAN.  “IT’S TIME WE GOT SOME MORE MONEY OUT OF WILLIAM.  HE SEEMS TO THINK HE’S DOING ALL THE FRIGHTFULNESS.  HE FORGETS THAT I’M KNOWN AS THE ‘TERRIBLE TURK.’”

FERDINAND.  “YES:  AND THEY CALL ME ‘FERDIE THE FEARFUL.’”

[The latter title has recently been conferred upon the TSAR of Bulgaria by his subjects in recognition of his continued absence from Sofia since the bombing of his palace.]]

* * * * *

[Illustration:  G.O.C. “WELL, MY MAN, WHAT ARE YOU IN CIVILIAN LIFE?”

Dejected Private.  “PROFESSOR OF GREEK HISTORY AT ONE OF THE UNIVERSITIES, SIR.”]

* * * * *

THE MINIATURE.