“People who have always used tooth-brushes and who know the
    thing to do never use any but their own.”

    “The Pagans were a contented race until the Christians came
    among them.”—­Hawaii Educational Review.

If The Review can maintain this form the consciously comic journals of the American Empire will have to look to their laurels.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  THE RECRUIT WHO TOOK TO IT KINDLY.]

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Super-Boy.  “BUT, FATHER, IF WE HAVE ALREADY CONQUERED, WHY DOES THE WAR GO ON?”

Super-Man.  “BE SILENT AND EAT YOUR HINDENBERG ROCK.”]

* * * * *

WAR’S SURPRISES.

THE TRANSFORMATION OF “TAY PAY.”

    [The Daily Chronicle alludes to a recent article by Mr. T.P. 
    O’CONNOR, M.P., as “a frigid survey of the situation.”]

  The War has done many astonishing things;
  It has doubled the traffic in trinkets and rings;
  It has reconciled us to margarine
  And made many fat men healthily lean. 
  It has answered the critics of Public Schools
  And proved the redemption of family fools. 
  It has turned golf links to potato patches
  And made us less lavish in using matches. 
  It has latterly paralysed the jaw
  Of the hitherto insuppressible SHAW. 
  It has made old Tories acclaim LLOYD GEORGE,
  Whose very name once stuck in their gorge. 
  It has turned a number of novelists
  Into amateur armchair strategists. 
  It has raised the lowly and humbled the wise
  And forced us in dozens of ways to revise
  The hasty opinions we formed of our neighbours
  In view of their lives and deaths and labours. 
  It has cured many freaks of their futile hobbies,
  It has made us acquainted with female bobbies. 
  It has very largely emptied the ranks
  Of the valetudinarian cranks,
  By turning their minds to larger questions
  Than their own insides or their poor digestions. 
  It has changed a First Lord into a Colonel,
  Then into a scribe on a Sunday-journal,
  With the possible hope, when scribbling palls,
  Of doing his hit at the Music Halls. 
  It has proved the means of BIRRELL’S confounding
  And given Lord WIMBORNE a chance of re-bounding. 
  But—­quite the most wonderful thing of all
  The things that astonish, amaze or appal—­
  As though a jelly turned suddenly rigid,
  It has made “TAY PAY” grow suddenly frigid! 
  When rivers flow backwards to their founts
  And tailors refuse to send in accounts;
  When some benevolent millionaire
  Makes me his sole and untrammelled heir;
  When President WILSON finds no more
  Obscurity in “the roots of the War”;
  When Mr. PONSONBY stops belittling
  His country and WELLS abandons Britling: 
  When the Ethiopian changes his hue
  To a vivid pink or a Reckitty blue—­
  In fine, when the Earth has lost its solidity,
  Then I shall believe in “TAY PAY’S” frigidity.