George had a strafe-proof waistcoat procured by him from a French manufacturer.  He showed it to us proudly, and also the advertisement, which stated that the waistcoat would easily stop a rifle-bullet, whilst a “45” would simply bounce off it.  It was beautiful but alarming to see his confidence as he stood up in a shower of shells, praying for a chance of showing off the virtues of his acquisition.

* * * * *

We were very pleased to send to his hospital address to-day a postcard bearing the maker’s explanation that a .45 revolver bullet, and not a 45 millimetre shell, was meant.

As regards the jam question, Jerry, the fault of the jam is that it is never jam, but always marmalade.  I feel too sore on the question to write much, but I may just hint that we have heard that Brother Bulgar sometimes gets real strawberry.  It is just possible, therefore, that you may hear of a raid soon.

  Yours ever,
  PETER.

* * * * *

THE CONVERT.

    ["One striking result of the War has been its humanising
    effect on woman.”—­Daily Paper.]

  The barbed shaft of Love hath pierced thy heart,
    Fair Annabelle; distracting is thy lot;
  Long hast thou thought thyself a deal too smart
    To be ensnared in Cupid’s toils—­eh, what?

  The ways of other maids, less intricate,
    Filled thee with pity to the very core;
  Kisses were unhygienic, out of date,
    And man a most unutterable bore.

  But now with young Lieutenant Smith, V.C.,
    Thou roamest, gazing shyly in his face;
  Nay, did I not surprise thee after tea
    Defying Hygiene in a close embrace?

  Shall I recall that old sartorial jest,
    The mannish coat which never seemed to fit,
  The bifurcated skirt and all the rest,
    Not half so pretty as thy nursing kit?

  All no!  Thine happiness I will not vex,
    For thou art Woman once again I find;
  And Woman, though she cannot change her sex,
    Has always had the right to change her mind.

* * * * *

    THE PRIMROSE PATH FOR FLAPPERS.

    “WANTED, Two experi.  MAKERS-UP (Females); also a few Girls to
    learn; good wages paid.”—­Evening Paper.

* * * * *

ANOTHER IMPENDING APOLOGY.

From an obituary notice:—­

“In civil life he was employed as an attendant on those inflicted with weak minds.  He joined the regiment at ——­ Camp and was at once employed as Colonel ——­’s servant.”—­Burma Paper.

* * * * *

    “Mars is the name of a star so far off it would take a million
    years to walk there in an express train.”

    “A miracle is anything that someone does that can’t be done.”