And I am certain that BULMER spoke the truth, but I am equally certain that it was unnecessary for him to mention the subject at all.  Yet little KINKES, I know, went away persuaded that the aristocracy trembled at BULMER’s nod, and that to know him was a privilege.  Unfortunately BULMER, with all his good-nature, wearies me, I know I am not worthy to tie his shoe-string, but I am disposed to imitate MONTROND, who, when he was told that he cheated at cards, replied, “C’est possible, Monsieur, mais je n’aime pas qu’on me le dise,” and flung his wine-glass in his accuser’s face.  Cease, my dear POMPOSITY, to torment me by means of BULMER.  I may address you again, but, in the meantime,

    I remain, your humble Servant,
        DIOGENES ROBINSON.

* * * * *

A ROYAL (OLYMPIC) DIVORCE.

(A PAGE FROM FRENCH HISTORY BY MRS. MARKHAM, AFTER W.G.  WILLS.)

[Illustration:  Wills and Ways; or, a Hand at Nap.]

And so, when NAPOLEON had won Austerlitz, he thought he would marry MARIE LOUISE, Archduchess of Austria, although, as you know, he was already wedded to JOSEPHINE, his first wife.  To effect this purpose, he sent his Minister of State, TALLEYRAND, and two comic Marshals, called MURAT and NEY, to see the EMPRESS and explain to her his wishes; and this they did with so much effect that Her Majesty consented, and fainted on the spot.  Whether the swoon was real, or in another sense a feint, is not known, because she was a mistress of deception.  For instance, although she was nearly a negress in complexion, she managed, at the Palace of Fontainebleau, to appear in a flaxen wig, and with all the appearance of a blonde beauty.  Shortly after the EMPEROR’s marriage with his new wife, that lady called upon her predecessor, and behaved in such a fashion that JOSEPHINE was justified in calling her “vulgar.”  A little later, with the assistance of a British Dramatist, called W.G.  WILLS (who had already made some alterations in the History of England for the benefit of CHARLES THE FIRST and Mr. HENRY IRVING), she managed to protect the baby King of Rome from a ballet mob in the Gardens of the Tuileries, and also to afford considerable assistance to her Austrian successor while that “vulgar” person was crawling up some stone steps.  Later still, she contrived to have an affecting interview on the eve of the Battle of Waterloo with NAPOLEON himself, although it has been reported in some quarters that she had become defunct a year before the occurrence of that important victory.  It was on this occasion that the Hero of Austerlitz gave a most valuable testimonial to the British Army, to whom he referred as “bull-dogs who never knew when they were beaten,” and soldiers with iron-like tenacity.  JOSEPHINE subsequently died of visions at Malmaison to the soothing sound of soft music kindly supplied by a semi-concealed orchestra.

CONVERSATION ON A ROYAL (OLYMPIC) DIVORCE.