[Illustration:  Sergeant-Major (to nervous gunner who has got mixed up with drag-rope).  “What were you before you joined the Army?  A snake-charmer?”]

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Home-made munitions.]

* * * * *

[Illustration:  “Heavens, Sergeant, what’s this?”

“That joke of mine, you know—­when I Ask A recruit who’s been thrown, ‘who the devil asked you to dismount, sir?’ Well, here’s one of the papers says it’s the oldest wheeze in the world!”]

[Illustration:  Why not V.A.D.  Section of VIVANDIERES at our theatre-Bars to Render first aid to any reckless Youth who has the Temerity to take A theater whisky?]

* * * * *

A false alarm.

[Illustration:  “Call me at seven sharp.”]

Boom!

Bang!

Crash!

“Oh, ZEPPS?”

“I was afraid it was time to get up!”]

* * * * *

The Complete film actor.

[Illustration:  “Are you A good pugilist?”]

Mr. Percy Garrick Smithers, actor, finding the path to fame less smooth on the legitimate stage than he believed it to be by the Cinema route, went to a producer of film plays and offered his services.

“Yes,” said the producer, “I might possibly give you lead in a big sensational I am about to put up.  Are you a good pugilist?”

“I have indulged a little in the pastime of sparring,” answered Percy.

“Good,” said the producer.  “You see, the picture opens with Bill Bloodred, the champion prize-fighter, demanding certain documents from his aged uncle.  As the latter won’t surrender the papers.  Bill gives him a swinging blow to the jaw, a few more heavy ones to various other parts of the body, and then proceeds to kick the old man to death as the latter lies helpless on the floor.  It’s one of those thrilling scenes the juveniles like so much!  Then you come in and tackle Bill.”

“Quite so,” said Percy.

“A terrific fight ensues.  Bill surpasses anything he has ever done in the ring, and it goes on until at last you collapse.  Bill escapes, leaving you for dead.  Do you catch the idea?”