***

There is no truth in the report that the lodging, fuel and light allowance of Officers is to be raised from two shillings and sevenpence to two shillings and sevenpence halfpenny per day, the cost of living having increased since the Peninsular War.

***

“What is reported to be the largest sapphira in the world,” says a contemporary, “disappeared when the Bolshevists took Kieff.”  We suspect that the largest living Ananias had a hand in the affair.

***

It is not surprising to learn, following the Police Union meeting, that the burglars have decided to “down jemmies” unless the eight-hour night is conceded.

***

The rumour that there was a vacant house in the Midlands last week has now been officially denied.

***

With reference to the Market Bosworth woman who, though perfectly healthy, has remained in bed for three years, until removed last week by the police, it now appears that she told the officers that she had no idea it was so late.

***

“What can be done to make village life more amusing?” asks The Daily Mirror.  We are sorry to find our contemporary so ignorant of country life.  Have they not yet heard of Rural District Councils?

***

An Oxted butcher having found a wedding ring in one of the internal organs of a cow, it is supposed that the animal must have been leading a double life.

***

“In order to live long,” says Dr. Earle, “live simply.”  Another good piece of advice would be:  “Simply live.”

***

A Streatham man who has been missing from his home since November, 1913, has just written from Kentucky.  This disposes of the theory that he might have been mislaid in a Tube rush.

***

“Distrust of lawyers,” Mr. Justice Atkin told the boys of Friars School recently, “is largely caused by ignorance of the law.”  Trust in them, on the other hand, is entirely due to ignorance of the cost.

***

Giving evidence at Marylebone against a mysterious foreigner charged with using a forged identity book, the police said they did not know the real name and address of the man.  The Bench decided to obviate the difficulty in the matter of the address.

***

In a Liverpool bankruptcy case last week the debtor stated that he had lost six hundred pounds in one day rabbit-coursing.  The Receiver pointed out that he could have almost bought a new set of rabbits for that.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  The picture of the year.

Probable effect at this year’s Academy exhibition of the election of
sir Aston Webb, the famous architect, to the presidency.]