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TEACHING TOMMY.

Here is a simple method of aiding the admirable efforts of educational
Staff-Officers in the army.

Let all Regimental Orders be interspersed with items of information likely to be of use in civilian life.  Thus:—­

53. ... will be rendered to this office, in triplicate, by noon to-morrow.

53A. Etiquette, Points of.  It is not considered correct to address an Archbishop as “Archie” unless one is on terms of considerable intimacy with him.  In writing to a Duchess never commit the vulgar error of putting a stamp on the envelope; the sixth footman in a ducal household is always provided with a fund in respect of unpaid postage on incoming correspondence.

54. ... is placed out of bounds to all troops on account of an outbreak of mumps.

54A. Data, Geographical.—­Of all fish those of the Bay of Biscay are perhaps the best nourished.  An isthmus is a piece of land which saves another piece of land from being an island.  The principal exports of Germany are prisoners of war.

55. ... to be read on three consecutive parades.

55A. Theory, Untenable, Literary.—­The The theory that BACON was a pork-butcher and derived inspiration for Hamlet by gazing at the viands in his shop has now been disproved.

56. ... and a sum of twopence per haircut will be chargeable against public funds.

56A. Courts, Foreign.—­The Sultan of Socotra is entitled to a salute of fourteen popguns and one catapult.  Before approaching the throne of the Duke of the Djibouti one is required to take lessons from the Court Contortionist.

57. ... and Company Commanders are reminded of their responsibility in this matter.

57A. World, the Animal.—­It is interesting to know that the inventor of the Tank first planned that engine of warfare while watching the peregrinations of the armadillo at a travelling menagerie.  The efficacy of our blockade was such that large consignments of armadillo-fodder were prevented from reaching Germany, the consequent demise of all German-kept armadilloes thus robbing our enemy of the opportunity of devising a similar instrument.

58. ... will parade in full marching order at Reveille.

58A. Facts, Historical.—­There once was a king who never smiled again, but history might have recorded a different verdict had His Majesty witnessed the spectacle of the Second-in-Command, on a frisky horse, trying to drill the Battalion.

59. ... will therefore immediately submit rolls of all skilled organ-blowers of Category B ii.

59A. Information, General.—­If all the Treasury Notes circulated in the United Kingdom since 1914 were placed end to end they might reach from Bristol to Yokohama and back, but they would not constitute a sufficient inducement to a London taxi-driver.