it.  Then an hour’s practice on the piano.  Then to the Promenade.  Mademoiselle de G——­ wore a broad-brimmed grey felt hat, turned up at one side.  O, how I would like a hat like that!  It is so graceful.  I would like a hat like that, and the same style of gown.  It brings back the young ladies of former days, tall, well-formed, slender, beautiful.  One would say that I am raving over a gown as I do over the man I love.

Tuesday, April 8th.

I had a geography lesson to-day.  While looking for a city in America, my eyes were attracted by this tragical name:  H——­ island in the Arctic Ocean.  It seemed as if a thunderbolt had struck me, I did not feel the earth under my feet.  My heart beat violently, I was completely upset.  Can I doubt that I love him?  If he knew it!  But, with God’s assistance he will know it some day.  God is so good.  He has given me all I have possessed up to the present moment.

* * * * *

Mademoiselle C——­ scolded me to-day because people looked at me too much on the Promenade.  While returning from church we talked about religion—­then went on to the Duc de H——.  Mademoiselle C——­ said: 

“What associates he has!  To-day he is with the H——­’s.”

I want to describe conversations better.  The Duc de H——­ was discussed.  I defended him warmly, but I have seen that I went too far.

Good Friday.

At church, when we went to kiss the tomb of Christ, I looked at all the faces and suddenly his appeared as if he were there in person.  Never has it presented itself so distinctly.  This time I saw it as if it were himself.  At this apparition my heart beat violently, and I began to pray.  I wanted to recall this beloved face, but in vain.  I no longer see it.

At this vision, an idea came to me.  There were a great many flowers near the tomb.  I took a daisy.  The flower is holy, it was near our Saviour.  It will tell me whether our desires will be realised.  With a throbbing heart, I pulled off petal after petal.  Yes—­no—­O, God!  I thank Thee!  I believe this prediction, it is holy!

I don’t want to wait any longer.  I shall die if I stay in this furnace.  It is too warm.  Knock, and it shall be opened unto you.  I believe that, it is my consolation.  We are going to Vienna Saturday, but Mamma will stay.  There is no pleasure without pain.  That is a great truth.  So we shall start Saturday, I, my aunt, Dina, and Paul.

July 29th, 1873.

During the journey the most open-hearted gaiety did not cease to reign among us.  O, how disagreeable Italy is on account of the Italians, how dirty they are!  We wanted to take a bath, and I did not expect to have such luck in an Italian hotel in Genoa.  I was greatly surprised when they brought it to me.

At ten o’clock we at last reached our destination.  We went to the Grand Hotel.  Everything is magnificent.  I am pleased with it.  I wanted to take a bath.  It is too late.