From this time I will no longer trouble myself about any one.  I will become Galatea, let people love me, if they like!

I wonder why I am unhappy.  No!  I have no brains.  Do people ask such things when they have?  We are happy or we are unhappy, nothing does any good; neither prayer, nor tears, nor faith.  I am a living proof, I lack everything.

When shall I go to Rome?  I want to study, I am losing my time for nothing.  If one does nothing, one ought to go into society; I am losing my time and I am bored.

O, misery of miseries!  I will go all the same to pray to God, who knows?

While there is life, there is hope.

Saturday, December 4th, 1875.

I have told Mamma that I was going to study singing, and I shall do it, if it is God’s pleasure to preserve my voice; it is the only way of gaining the fame for which I thirst, for which I would give ten years of my life without hesitation.  I need renown, glory, and I will have them. Deo juvante. It has never happened that people wanted it, and did not have it!  I have the most comprehensive ideas in the world.  A fig for all that!  Do I want it?  A hundred times, no, a thousand times no!  I was born to be a remarkable woman, it matters little in what way or how.  All my tendencies are toward the great things of this world.  I shall be famous, I shall be great, or I shall die!

It is impossible that God should have given me this gloria cupidatis, like S——­, for nothing, without an object; my time will come.  I am happy when I think as I do to-day.  Oh, my voice!

We went to the opera house to get a box for this evening.  They gave the “Barber,” my favourite little opera.  I aspire to something unheard of, fabulous; I want to be famous, I will sing.  It is queer, the whole Italian company saluted me.  We were in No. 2.  I wore my Empire gown, in which I like myself best.  Hair dressed like an Olympian goddess, falling lower than the belt, and curled naturally at the ends.  The General, always charming, was with us.

“Come,” I said, “do you know what I am going to do?”

“What are you going to do, Mademoiselle?”

“I am going to make a mirror.”

“How?”

“Look.”

I took the attitude of old A——­, who sat opposite.  He put his hand on the balustrade; I did the same.  He leaned on his hand; I leaned on mine.  He played with his chain; I played with my ribbon.  He pulled his ear; I pulled mine.

The General laughed, Dina laughed, everybody laughed.

Every time he changed his position I imitated him like the most faithful mirror.

It was the last act, the house was half empty, and I continued my game in freedom till the last moment.  I went out fairly jumping for joy and returned home gay and talkative.

To-night “Mignon” was given at the theatre.

I listened with pleasure and emotion.  I forgot everything, toilette and audience, and, with my head resting against the pillar, I devoured the charming melodies.  If I had “Mignon” given in my room I should enjoy it just as much, even more.  With an interesting audience one hears nothing.  I have seen this opera so many times!  And I am always moved.