“Phrenology—­again,” continued the lecturer, “is, we may say, a species of mental geography, as it were; which—­by a study of the skull—­leads also to a study of the brain within, even as geology naturally follows the initial contemplation of the earth’s surface.  The brain, thurfur, or intellectual retort, as we may say, natively exerts a molding influence on the skull contour; thurfur is the expert in phrenology most readily enabled to accurately locate the multitudinous intellectual forces, and most exactingly estimate, as well, the sequent character of each subject submitted to his scrutiny.  As, in the example before us—­a young man, doubtless well known in your midst, though, I may say, an entire stranger to myself—­I venture to disclose some characteristic trends and tendencies, as indicated by this phrenological depression and development of the skull-proper, as later we will show, through the mesmeric condition, the accuracy of our mental diagnosis.”

Throughout the latter part of this speech my friend nudged me spasmodically, whispering something which was jostled out of intelligent utterance by some inward spasm of laughter.

“In this head,” said the Professor, straddling his malleable fingers across the young man’s bumpy brow—­“In this head we find Ideality large—­abnormally large, in fact; thurby indicating—­taken in conjunction with a like development of the perceptive qualities—­language following, as well, in the prominent eye—­thurby indicating, I say, our subject as especially endowed with a love for the beautiful—­the sublime—­the elevating—­the refined and delicate—­the lofty and superb—­in nature, and in all the sublimated attributes of the human heart and beatific soul.  In fact, we find this young man possessed of such natural gifts as would befit him for the exalted career of the sculptor, the actor, the artist, or the poet—­any ideal calling; in fact, any calling but a practical, matter-of-fact vocation; though in poetry he would seem to best succeed.”

“Well,” said my friend, seriously, “he’s feeling for the boy!” Then laughingly:  “Hedrick has written some rhymes for the county papers, and Sweeney once introduced him, at an Old Settlers’ Meeting, as ’The Best Poet in Center Township,’ and never cracked a smile!  Always after each other that way, but the best friends in the world. Sweeney’s strong suit is elocution.  He has a native ability that way by no means ordinary, but even that gift he abuses and distorts simply to produce grotesque, and oftentimes ridiculous effects.  For instance, nothing more delights him than to ‘lothfully’ consent to answer a request, at The Mite Society, some evening, for ‘an appropriate selection,’ and then, with an elaborate introduction of the same, and an exalted tribute to the refined genius of the author, proceed with a most gruesome rendition of ‘Alonzo The Brave and The Fair Imogene,’ in a way to coagulate the blood and curl the hair