We’ve got to have a strong policy, my friends, and my tip to you is—­“Trust the Army!  Curse the politicians!” It’s no use sitting still while ÆSCHINES AND Co. are spouting.  You and I, my brothers and sisters, as I’m proud to call you, we don’t spout, do we?  We mean business! And PHILIP means business too!  At any moment he may come down on us and devastate our quiet picturesque little demes which we all love so well and get disgustingly drunk on our wine.  So give us the word, ÆSCHINES AND Co.—­not many words, please, but just one word—­and we’ll tackle him as he ought to be tackled and put a pinch of Attic salt on his tail.  We don’t want this PHILIP, but we do want a fillip of our own.  Meanwhile, are we downhearted?  I don’t think.

(Another powerful philippic by Mr. Demosthenes next week.)

* * * * *

WHAT TO DO WITH OUR PRISONERS.

    “Private Jones, V.C., single handed captured 102 Germans;
    limited number for sale, best offers; proceeds military
    hospital.”—­Bazaar.

* * * * *

    “The towing to Madrid of the Greek steamer Spyros lacks
    confirmation.”—­Daily Telegraph.

We always had our doubts about the report.

* * * * *

“Nevertheless, though nobody has ever sympathised with the goose that laid the golden eggs, it is now widely recognized that it was bad policy to kill him.”—­G.B.  Shaw in “The Times.”

Even in War-time, you will notice, “G.B.S.” cannot get away from the sex-problem.

* * * * *

FREMDENBLATT.—­Mr. Lloyd George will recognise one day that the Allies put their heads in a sling on the day they rejected Germany’s terms.”—­Daily Paper.

But we may trust little DAVID to know what to do with a sling.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  AN ANSWER TO PEACE TALK.

BRITANNIA CALLS A WAR CONFERENCE OF THE EMPIRE.]

* * * * *

HIS MASTER’S VOICE.

FOR AMERICAN CONSUMPTION.

  I am the White House typewriter! 
  I am the Voice of the People
  And then some! 
  I speak, and the Western Hemisphere attends,
  All except Mexico and WILLIAM JENNINGS BRYAN,
  Who has a megaphone of his own. 
  I am the soul of a great free people! 
  Hence the vers libre
  Which breathes the spirit of Democracy
  Because anybody can do it.

  Who secured a second term of office for my master, President WILSON? 
  Was it the War or OSWALD GARRISON VILLARD or General HARRISON GRAY OTIS? 
  It was not. 
  It was I! 
  Though the others helped, especially Gen. OTIS.