Thus runs the tongue of this pretty housewife, that but a while ago was so sorrowfull for the departure of her beloved husband.  Certainly there’s nothing comes out more suddenly, or dries up more easily, then womens tears!

But hangt no more of that; for the guests will be here presently, therefore all things ought to be in order for mirth.  And moreover there there are some of them that frequent Mr. Baxter’s Puritanical Holding-forth, whose heads will immediately, in imitation of their Patron, hang like Bull-rushes; for they are taught to mourn with the sorrowfull, and to rejoice with the joifull.  But it is now a time to be merry, and throw away masks and vizards; for all is done under the Rose, and among good acquaintance.  And verily if the good woman had not this or some such sort of delight, where should we find the pleasures of marriage? for in the first Lying-in of the husband there was no looking for them.

Come on then, that mirth may be used, let the Cards also be brought in sight; which formerly, out of a Puritanical humour, ought not to have been seen in a house; nay, not so much as to have been spoken of; but now every one knows how to play artificially at Put, all Fours, Omber, Pas la Bete, Bankerout, and all other games that the expertest Gamesters can play at.  And who knows whether they do not carry in their Pockets, as False-Gamesters do, Cards that are cut and marked.  They learn to play the game at Bankerout so well with the Cards, that in a short time they can and also do it with their Housholdstuf, Wares, and Commodities.  To be sure, you’l alwaies find, that every one of them, by length of time, are capable of setting up a School, and to act the part of a Mistriss.  And most especially they learn to discourse very exactly touching the use and misuse thereof; just as these dissimulating Wigs intend to do, though indeed men have never seen that they practised this lesson themselves.

But, although the Mistriss and her Companions know little or nothing of these tricks, they serve howsoever, without setting up a School, and that also for nothing, for good Instructresses to their servants, who hereby are most curiously taught, what paths they have to walk in, and what’s best for them to do that they may follow their Mistresses footsteps, as soon as their Master and Mistriss are but gone abroad together; who then know so exactly how to dance upon those notes, that we thought it necessary, as being one of the principallest Pleasures of Marriage, also to be set down in the Third Table of the First Part.

Many women, who are sick of this liquorish and sweet-tooth’d disease, will be grumbling very much at this, that such a blame and scandal should be cast upon their innocent sex; and say that Batchelors hereby will be afraid to marry; But if they, and the Gentlewomen that were in private domineering together, had not gone to Confession, and made a publick relation of it, who would have known it.  Therefore this sort of well treated female Guests, are like unto those that when they have gotten a delicate bit by the by, cannot fare well but they must cry roast-meat, though they should be beaten with the spit for it.