“The Duchess would be extremely glad if you could come here this day se’nnight; but if you cannot, come this day fortnight at farthest, and bring as many unlikely people as you can to keep you company.  Have you lain at Marble Hill since we left Petersham?  Hath the Duchess an aunt Thanet[6] alive again?  She says there are but two people in the world that love and fear me—­and those are, Lord Drum[lanrig][7] and Lord Charles [Douglas].[8] If they were awake, I would make them love those that I love, and say something civil to you.  The Duchess hath left off taking snuff ever since you have; but she takes a little every day.  I have not left it off, and yet take none; my resolution not being so strong.  Though you are a water-drinker yourself, I daresay you will be sorry to hear that your friends have strictly adhered to that liquor; for you may be sure their heads cannot be affected with that.

“General Dormer[9] refused to eat a wheat-ear, because they call it here a fern-knacker; but since he knew it was a wheat-ear, he is extremely concerned.  You are desired to acquaint Miss Smith that the Duchess was upon the brink of leaving off painting the first week she came here, but hath since taken it up with great success.  She hopes she will never think of her and my Lord Castlemaine[10] on the same day.

“The Duke hath rung the bell for supper, and says, ’How can you write such stuff?’

  And so we conclude,
  As ’tis fitting we should. 
  For the sake of our food;
  So don’t think this rude. 
  Would my name was ‘Gertrude,’
  Or ‘Simon and Jude.’”

It was an amusement of the Duchess of Queensberry and of Gay to write joint letters.  They thoroughly loved fooling, and frequently indulged together in that pleasant pastime.

Middleton, August 27th, 1729.

“...  What is blotted out was nonsense; so that it is not worth while to try to read it.  It was well meant; the Duchess said it was very obscure, and I found out that it was not to be understood at all, nor by any alteration to be made intelligible; so out it went.

“We have this afternoon been reading Polybius.  We were mightily pleased with the account of the Roman wars with the Gauls; but we did not think his account of the Achaians, and his remarks upon the historian Philarchus, so entertaining, as for aught we knew it might be judicious.

“I know you will be very uneasy unless I tell you what picture the Duchess hath in hand.  It is a round landscape of Paul Brill, which Mr. Dormer[11] lent her, in which there are figures very neatly finished.  It is larger than any she hath yet done; by the dead colouring I guess (though her Grace is not very sanguine) it will in the end turn out very well.”

J.G.

“I do not understand which of our correspondents this letter is fit for; for there is neither wit, folly, nor solid sense, nor even a good foundation for nonsense, which is the only thing that I am well versed in.  There were all these good things in the delightful letter you sent us; but as all the different hands are not known, they are unanswerable:  for the future, then, pray sign or come,—­the latter is best; for whoever can write so well must speak so; but now I think we had better always write for the good of posterity.”